Blue eyes
by shottersnation
Summary: Italy falls in love with Germany, a nazi. This takes place in Italy during WW2. slash pairing : GerIta
1. Chapter 1

**Title : Blue eyes**

**Penname : shottersnation**

**Disclaimer : I don't own Hetalia**

**Rating : M , just for sure. **

**Italy falls in love with Germany, a nazi. This takes place in Italy during WW2. I just wrote this because I was bored and I've had a lot of fun with it so please no flaming. **

**warnings : historical inacurate, probably spelling mistakes because I'm not a native speaker, SLASH**

Blue eyes

It's may 15th 1943. It's a nice and sunny day and I'm playing with the seven puppies our dog gave birth to, on the field in front of my house. I mean my fathers' house. I can't get along with my father very well. sinds my mother died four years ago he became an old bitter man. The last few months he spends complaining about the less food we can buy, and especially hating the Germans. I don't know if I should hate the Germans, I haven't even spoken to one ever, atleast not about something important.

While I'm thinking about my dad and the war, I forget to watch the puppies and one of them runs off. I try to grab him but he's too fast and I can't leave the others. "Nooo come back little one I'll make some pasta for you if you come back!"

Then a German officer appears at the other side of the he looks different from the ones I see marching through our streets usually. The color and insignes of his uniform are different. He seems to be not much older than me, with blonde hair , a nicely build body and a handsome face. The little puppy is coming his way and the young officer bends down and picks it up, holding the dog against his chest. That's when he sees me. He walks my way, his face stern.

" Does this dog belong to you..? " He asks when he's close to me. His voice is cold and for one moment I'm afraid he won't give the puppy dog back to me.

" Ve yes .. eh thank you.." I stutter.

" I like dogs... I miss my German Shepherd a lot." He smiles and then gives the puppy dog back to me.

His blonde hair and blue eyes make him the perfect Aryan young man. And I should hate him, like my father and brother do, but I can't. He seems to be friendly and he's handsome. _' How dare you to think about a Nazi in that way!'_

I don't know what to answer and I don't dare to meet his eyes so I end up staring at my feet.

" Do you live nearby? " The German suddenly asks.

" Yes .. that's where I live" I point at the small house next to the field.

_Why would he want to know where I live? I had to tell him the truth right..? He will find out anyway if he wants. But what if my family's gonna be in danger? _

" Don't be afraid.. I'm just interested in you.. in a good way." A little smile.

My cheeks become red. _In what kind of way? How could it ever be in a good way? unless... NO stop thinking about him like that. He's a Nazi, and for everything he believes in, he will NEVER be interested in that way.._

Before I'm able to think of an answer he speaks again.

" I have to go. I hope so that we'll meet again sometime"

He smiles one more time, then turns and walks away.

" Wait!" I almost scream. He stops and turns to me,giving me a questioning look.

" Can you tell me your name? " _Why do you want to know his name?_

"Beilschmidt... Ludwig Beilschmidt." He seems to wonder why he just told me this.

"My name is Feliciano" I smile broadly at him and then wave.

He doesn't wave back, he just smiles a little. Then he disappears around the corner of the street.

I've stood there for probably more than ten minutes since he left. Then I realise my brother and father are probably waiting to have dinner together. I run back home and meet my brother in the kitchen. I can smell he's making pasta, my favourite meal.

We share the small amount of pasta together and though it's actually not enough for the three of us, it tastes wonderful.

That evening I go upstairs at seven o ' clock, which is very early for me. But I want to be alone for a while to think about the events of today's afternoon.

_How can I meet him again? I just have to see him again.. but why? Did I really just fall in love with a German soldier? My family , no probably my whole country would kill me if they found out. _

_Wait.. I know his name and because of his uniform he's probably the type of German that has his own office at the German headquarters a few streets away from here. I could go there and ask for him.. I can't believe I just thought about that but the unfamiliair feeling in my belly tells me I just have to see him again soon. _

I decide to go there tomorrow and just ask for him at the gate.

The next morning I wake up feeling a bit nervous. I put on my best clothes, which were my brother's clothes till he grew out of them, now they're mine. I look at myself into the mirror.

_No he definitely doesn't like you the way you like him.. how could he, with his nice uniform that fits him perfectly.. and his shiny black boots. While my clothes have holes in them, the colours faded._

I manage to pull myself together and an hour later I stand before the gate to the German headquarters. Immediately one of the soldiers comes to me.

"Papieren, bitte!"

After being asked for them very frequently I finally know what it means..

I give him my papers .

" They're fine. What do you want?" the soldier asks impatiently.

" Eh.. ve I'm looking for Ludwig Beilschmidt.. "

He knows who I'm referring to, but he stares harshly at me, probably because I adressed him with his first and last name without a rank for it." Do you have an appointment with him? "

" Ve! Eh yes…" I lie. 

" You'll find his office at the second floor.." The soldier lets me pass through and I sigh nervously. When I enter the building it's very busy. There are people everywhere walking around with papers. Everywhere I see the red flags with the swastika on it. My heart starts to beat faster when I finally reach the second floor, the first door reads : Lieutenant Beilschmidt.

I smile and knock the door. An answer follows immediately.

" Come in, please"

I open the door with shaking legs and step inside.

Ludwig's eyes widen. " What are you doing here?"

" I wanted to see you, after our converstation yesterday.. I thought maybe you would be happy to see me too"

His face softens. " Please sit down. Do you want something to drink? "

I jump onto the chair . " Ve ! that would be nice" He places a mug in front of me and I watch him.

He wears the black uniform again, his blonde hair slicked back. " Are you hungry? I have bread and marmelade"

_Is he really offering me something to eat? God I'm so hungry, we don't have much to eat at home._

"If you have enough for yourself .. eh.. eh.. yes I'm hungry" My face becomes red as a tomato.

"Of course" He puts a plate with bread and marmelade in front of me. "Eat as much as you like"

I almost jump on it and start eating like a madman. He watches me eat, flashing me a lovely smile.

When I've finished the meal I stand up and walk to his side of the desk. He looks up at me a bit uncomfortable and I bend down and hug him tightly.

"That's so nice of you, thank you" He's surprised by the hug but doesn't pull away. I smell his aftershave and I lose control. Before I think about it, I kiss his neck. He stands up and stares at me , his blue eyes shimmering. .

**Did you like this chapter? want me to write the next one? Please review! Thanks for reading.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks everyone for the reviews, I'm glad to know people actually read this. **

_Blue eyes - Chapter two_

_Ludwig's point of view_

_What did he just do! Is he out of his mind? Wait don't forget about his culture, this is probably just an Italian way to say thank you... Kissing someone's neck, why not. Then staring at me with those innocent eyes. How can I be mad at him? I feel good around him._

" There's no need to thank me. I'm not hungry these days."

_Visiting the Bolzano Transit Camp took away my hunger. I've tried to contact my bruder to talk about this, but he's probably too busy back in Berlin. I hope he's doing fine._

"And why is that?" The little Italian asks.

" Because I've seen horrible things happen. Feliciano I have a lot of work to do , so if you don't mind?"

_He gets the message _

I watch him stand up and walk to the door. " It was nice to talk to you, can we meet again ? just to talk ? _" _

_I would love to, but is it the right thing to do? _

" Ok, we can meet at my appartment and have a drink if you like? " I say not meeting his eyes.

" Ve ! sure, at saturday? Where's your apartment?"

I write the adress down on a little piece of paper and give it to him. " Be there at seven"

" I'll be there! Bye Ludwig !"

" Bye Feliciano" _The handsome Italian . beautiful tanned skin , a nice thinking about him! I would never do something like this, it could only happen to my of all he's Italian and second... he's a man. I guess I just need someone to cheer me up, I can be myself around him. He's a bit crazy but that's what I like about him. _

_Hanging out with him is gonna be the first time I ignore the rules. I always follow orders, I never do what I want, but that's going to be different this time... Fuck the rules after that little trip to the camp and all those children. I'm going to follow my heart._

At seven o' clock on Saturday Feliciano knocks on the frontdoor of Ludwig's apartment.

Ludwig opens the door quickly.

" Hello Ludwig! I almost couldn't wait till seven o ' clock. Feliciano says cheerful.

Ludwig doesn't know what to say. " Well, come in and make yourself at home. "

" Thank you , Ludwig" . Feliciano plops down onto the sofa and looks around.

Feliciano's point of view

_It's a very neat house and the furniture is probably expensive. I feel a bit uncomfortable when I think about my own house or actually my father's. The war seems to be more pleasant on the German side. _

_Ludwig sits down next to me and offers me a glass of wine._

" I thought you would like that" He smiles.

" I do, thank you " I take a sip "It's very nice"

_He blushes, I would like to hold him.. to kiss him. _

I ask about his work instead.

" Isn't it boring to work with all those stern people? You're so young and happy."

Ludwig laughs " I have a very serious job, and yes it is boring sometimes. But tell me about you, what do you do all day?"

" I help my father cleaning the house and I make dinner almost everyday. "

_I'm afraid this conversation will lead to my family and maybe the Resistenza Italiana. ( Italian resistance movement)My brother is a member of them. _

So I quickly kiss him on the lips. I'm surprised when he kisses me back.

_He smells so good.. _

Then he pulls away and tries to avoid my eyes. . I'm not taking the next step.. yet.

_Kissing him is one thing but touching him.. _

A few minutes pass by in silence. Ludwig lights a cigarette and inhales shakily.

I feel very uncomfortable , not knowing what to do or say to him.

Then Ludwig finally looks at me again , he smiles sadly.

" What's wrong Ludwig? You look sad!"

" You're so nice and helpless and.. and then there's the war... I just.." His eyes are wet and a few tears escape, trickling down his handsome face. " I'm just worried about you. You could get shot or starve. It's just unfair for innocent people like you"

" Sssh" I touch his arm " Nothing is going to happen to me, Ludwig. Don't make this hard on yourself ."

" I don't know what I'm fighting for anymore... I can't sleep at night because all I ever dream of are children in the camps or innocent people w_e_ killed. It's worse than you think. But I can't quit.. What can I do? They will shoot me too if I tell them I quit. . "

" You must feel awful, doing things against your will is never a good thing, but you can't do anything about it in your situation . That's bad. I wish I could help you escape them, but I'm afraid that's just not possible.

" I don't want you to be in danger so you're definitely not going to hide me from them. They will search for me everywhere and they will find me and kill you ." His eyes grow wide.

" We will find a solution , just relax for now . There's no boss or someone else from your work , only me"

I hop onto his lap , facing him and gently stroke his beautiful blonde hair. The little smile appears again.

_I want to make him feel happy, not sad. He deserves it._

I move my hand from his hair to his face and touch his, still wet, cheek.

" You're beautiful. . Your blonde hair, blue eyes and nice body.. just a perfect look. "

" Thank you.. everyone seems to like my appearance"

_I know what he means. _

" Just forget about them, for tonight" I kiss his lips again.

He gives me a longing look.

" Please, make love to me.." It comes out of nowhere.

_I want this, I need this._

"Are you sure you want me to do that?" He asks surprised.

" Yes because I like you, and nobody will ever know about it" I smile broadly.

He waits for a minute in silence.

"Allright then" He lifts me up and carries me to his bedroom , laying me down onto his bed, then he starts gently sucking my left ear.

" Just tell me what feels good" The German removes my pants, underwear and shirt and kisses my thighs. I moan a little bit. then the kisses travel upwards to my lower belly .

_This is niiice_

He steps out of the bed and starts undoing his jacket and shirt. Then his boots, pants and underwear quickly before jumping back onto the bed.

We're both already hard and Ludwig opens a drawer and finds some skin oil.

" Are you ready ?" He asks me a bit worried

" Oh yess Ludwig, hmm it felt so gooood. I want this, please I want you inside of me"

_I have never said such things before, I've never met someone who made me feel this way. _

I roll onto my back.

Ludwig pushes his finger inside of me, gently moving in and out. I try not making any sounds but it's difficult.

Then a second finger enters.

" Mmmm very nice Ludwig, " I push back against his fingers.

Then the two fingers slip out of me and I wait for him, feeling a bit nervous.

He flips my legs over his shoulders and places one of his soft pillows under my lower back. He uses his left hand to hold mine.

" Don't worry I'll do it very gentle, I won't hurt you "

When he finally enters me, it hurts but just a little bit. He doesn't move yet.

" Feliciano, how do you feel? Just tell me what to do"

" I feel good Ludwig, you can move eh but not too fast" I'm blushing deeply.

The German moves slowly in and out of me.

I feel a bit uneasy at first but then he trusts against that one little spot inside of me and I almost scream.

" aAaah Ludwig faster yes just a bit faster"

He smiles and thrusts faster .

" Mein Gott you're tight"

His breathing gets heavier.

He thrusts faster and faster.

It doesn't take long before he comes inside of me with one last thrust and a loud growl. He kisses me roughly before slipping out of me with a smacking sound.

I'm burning from the inside, it feels wonderful.

Instead of laying down next to me and fall asleep, he moves my body to the side of the bed into a sitting position.

_What's he going to do now? _

He kneels between my legs and starts kissing my thighs. I enjoy the feeling when I suddenly almost jump from the bed. The German just licked the tip of my dick, and stares up at me in a teasing way. " I'll do anything to please you. You deserve it."

_The submissive tone in that one sentence makes me grow hard. _

" Then suck me off" I say still a bit shy.

Ludwig must like to be ordered around because he immediately does what I asked him to do.

He starts with licking and sucking the tip again, gently flicking his tongue over the sensitive skin.

" ohhh this is aah perfect. Even better than paasta. .a..a "

Then he takes my whole dick inside of his mouth and moves back and forth. I loose control again just like last time in Ludwig's office, and grab his hair, pulling his head closer to me till his nose touches my lower belly .

He almost gags and I quickly let go of his hair. He looks up at me again.

" I'm so sorry Ludwig I lost control and it all just felt too good , I'm sorry!"

" Don't be sorry.. I like it that way too"

_Dirty fantasies eh? _

He takes my cock inside of his mouth again and I grab his blonde hair without feeling guilty this time. He looks up at me with those naughty eyes and provokes a reaction from me.

" Such a naughty boy, you like this don't you?"

The German flicks his tongue over the tip again and before I can alarm Ludwig about it, I'm coming.

_Stars,,, electric shocks_

That's when I realise I came inside of his mouth and watch him having difficulties to swallow it all. He doesn't succeed and some of it drips down his chin.

" I'm sorry Feliciano.. for spilling it"

" I should be the one saying sorry, I didn't even ask you if you wanted me to come like this. "

_I feel very ashamed... _

" No , because that just made the game... "

**Thanks again for reading this. Writing becomes a lot more fun if you can share your stories with others. Please review and I'll write the next chapter. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks again for the reviews, I'm happy.**

**This is a very short chapter, the next one is going to be a long chapter again. **

Feliciano's point of view

When I wake up the next day I don't know where I am at first. It takes me a few seconds before I recognize Ludwig's bedroom. But he isn't sleeping beside me. I get up quickly and go to the kitchen where I find a table full of bread , coffee and milk. Ludwig enters the kitchen too. His hair is soaking wet.

" I took a shower, I didn't want to wake you early." He blushes. " I made you breakfast, you're probably hungry"

" Ve! yes I'm hungry. Thank you Ludwig. Don't you want to eat something?"

" No thanks.. I'm not hungry"

" But you're going to work. You're working very hard so you should eat something in the morning, otherwise you'll pass out!" He just stands there, looking weak and sad.

" When did you have your last meal?" I ask worried.

" A few days ago.. But I'm fine, don't worry about me" He steps closer to me and kisses my cheek. " I'm going to get dressed, then I go to work"

" Okay" I smile when he disappears into the bedroom again. I enjoy the breakfast .

When Ludwig comes back he's wearing his uniform again.

" Can I walk along with you ? I need to go home anyways"

" eh.. Yes naturlich"

A few minutes later we're walking to the German Headquarters. Before we turn the last corner, he quickly kisses me again. " Let's meet again tonight? 6 o ' clock at my house? " He asks hopeful.

" Okay, I'll be there again" I wave at him smiling and watch him disappear around the corner.

Ludwig's point of view

When I enter the familiair building ,I feel even weaker. I already miss the happy Italian.

Even my office doesn't seem to calm me this time. I have a lot of paperwork to do for today and quickly start to get it over with.

When I'm finished the door opens suddenly and one of my superiors walks in . "Untersturmfuhrer Beilschmidt I have some more paperwork for you, all of them should be done by tonight" He drops like threehunderd files onto my desk.

" But ,you promised me I was allowed to go home at five o'clock today.. I've been working fifteen hours a day for months now! I'm sorry but I'm just so tired" I almost scream. " Besides, I have an appointment tonight . Can someone else handle this , bitte?"

The man smiles evilly at me.

" I know, but it just needs to be done. I want you to do it for me. If you start right now maybe you'll be done around eight o ' clock , then you can go to bed early tonight"

Oh how I would like to kill this guy right now.I stare hateful at him but sit down again and start with the papers.

From the corners of my eyes I watch him exploring my office, touching my books, my pack of cigarettes, my lighter. I hate it when people touch my personal stuff. I decide not to pay attention to him anymore and do my very best to get this done before six o 'clock tonight.

Then I feel him standing behind me , his hands are on both of my shoulders.I drop my pen onto one of the files, staining it with ink.

" You're getting very pale herr Beilschmidt, you should eat something."

" I already did." I lie to him.

He doesn't let go of my shoulders, I feel uncomfortable with his sudden physical actions.

" You're not that tired when you're with that Italian guy, right? " He whispers in my ear. Everything seems to turn black and I feel dizzy. How can he possibly know about me and Feliciano. " What do you mean?"

" I watched him going to your house yesterday"

" Why are you watching my house! "

" It doesn't matter Ludwig, you don't have to worry as long as you do what I want , Nobody will ever hear about this"

Mein Gott, he will report me , or make me do awful things with him.. or to him.

" We just had a drink together, he gives me information."

" They will believe me, not you.. don't you think so?"

I don't answer, while he locks the door of my office from inside.

My superior approaches me and I don't step back, don't show him my fear.

" Like the true SS soldier you are standing there with proud, Ludwig... Now take off your jacket and shirt"

" No I won't .. That's crazy" Then I remember I don't want to die and leave Feliciano in this cruel world.

He slaps me hard in the face with his keys and splits my lip.

**I hope you like it**

**Please review and make my day! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer : I don't own these hot boys. **

**Thanks for reviewing! **

Ludwig's point of view

I obey him and start undoing my jacket , then my shirt. I do it fast and try to avoid his eyes. He touches my face and makes me look up at him. All I can think about is Feliciano, I have to be right on time.

My superior is around fourty years old and fat, he's also taller than me. His lustful eyes looking me up and down, it makes me feel sick. The fact that I could easily overpower this guy if it wasn't for the secret he knows about, makes me feel even worse.

" Bend over the desk" He orders me impatiently. I do exactly what he wants me to do. He janks my pants down, My attacker says something but I can't hear him , it's like he's standing far away from I get a panic attack. My vision starts to blur...

I wake up on the ground, my whole body hurts . I manage to hold back my tears. When I stand up carefully I feel dizzy. My attacker already left and I'm glad for it. Blood slowly trickles down my face and I notice blood on my desk too. He must have slammed my head onto it with force. I don't want to be here any longer and grab my coat and leave. Even walking hurts.

When I finally enter my apartment it's five o' clock. I feel dirty, humilated. The pain is too much to bare. I undress myself, wanting to get out of this uniform as fast as possible, then take a long shower. I try not to think about what happened, afraid the tears will start to flow. There's blood on my thighs too, I quickly wash it off. _Just forget about what happened, nobody needs to know. Just pretend that nothing happened. You can't bother Feliciano with it, you don't want him to feel worried about you. _

A few minutes later I dress into my sparetime clothes, nice dark blue slacks and a white button down shirt. When I look into the mirror I first see how bad I really look. I try to mess up my hair a bit to hide the deep, still bleeding cut on my forehead. There's nothing I can do to hide the bruise on my cheek. I feel weak when I end up vomiting into the sink.

Then the doorbell rings.I quickly clean up the mess and take a look into the mirror one more time , then open the door to see Feliciano standing there with his happy smile.

" Hi Ludwig! woah you look different! I like your hair this way" He steps inside and hugs me tightly.

" Danke" I force a little smile.

Standing on his toes he kisses me slowly, his hands traveling up to my hair moving aside the blonde strands. I wait for his reaction. It comes when he breaks the kiss.

" Ludwig your head's bleeding! what happened? Your cheek is bruised too"

" Ich ... eh... I did something wrong, and got punished for that, but I'm okay. " I try to smile again.

The little Italian's eyebrows twist. "That's bad.. you're one of them. Did they hit you? "

" Ja.. it's just the way we handle things. Don't worry" I lie, then turn and disappear into the kitchen to get something to drink for us both. When I return he takes the glass of wine from me and puts it down onto the table. He wraps his arms around me, his hand moving up under my shirt. I shiver. He pulls me down onto the couch. I'm on my back and he straddles my hips, kissing and sucking my neck.I don't see Feliciano showing me his affection, but the man that took away my pride. I'm not moving, starting to feel trapped. When he starts undoing the buttons of my shirt I try to move his hand away but I don't succeed, the little fingers keep moving back everytime. When the Italian loosened all buttons and gently caresses my belly, I start to panick again. I don't hear anything but a loud beep. Flashes of earlier today coming back. I start to struggle, trying to get him off me.

" Don't touch me! " I shout, throwing him onto the ground. I immediately regret my actions, afraid I've hurt the slender Italian.

He looks shocked. " Ludwig I'm sorry, did I hurt you?"

I turn my head away. Tears are starting to fall.

" Ludwig why are you crying?" He asks worried.

" I just had a rough day, that's all, and I'm not in the mood for..eh... I mean, lets just hug and kiss for tonight, alright?"

"Ve, Sure" Feliciano can't hide the disappointment in his eyes but takes his seat on the couch again. I want to do the same but he forces me into a lying position. I rest my head onto his lap and he gently strokes my hair. His hands travel down to my shoulders.

" You're so tensed, just relax ssshh" He massages my shoulders. I have to admit that it really helps me to calm down a little bit. He keeps gently squeezing my shoulders and neck and I suddenly feel very tired. We're both quiet , it's like the little Italian knows I don't want to talk. It doesn't take long before I fall asleep.

**I'm a little bit stuck with this story so all ideas are very, very welcome! **

**Please review! **


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm sorry it took me so long to update. **

**A little explanation : I finally came up with a name for Ludwig's superior. His name will be Meier. I will change this in earlier chapters soon. **

_Ludwig's point of view_

I have the day off which is why I'm in the bathroom, shaving .Hauptsturmfuhrer Meier didn't come to see me at my office for a week, because he went back to Berlin for a meeting. I will never forget about what happened, he broke me. I have nightmares because of him. Being around Feliciano makes me feel safe.. it sounds ridiculous because I've never been afraid before. I feel trapped.. not being able to show him my feelings, I even have trouble speaking to him, to anyone. Speaking seems to be so difficult, all day I'm living in my own little world. People at work noticed the change in my behaviour too.

I could cry constantly. A real man that's what I used to be, now I'm nothing but a pathetic loser, being raped by Meier and not being able to fuck his lover properly.

I'm afraid Feliciano will break up with me soon. He deserves a better lover. When I look into the mirror again I scream, watching my superior, Meier, standing behind me with a big grin on his face.

I quickly turn around to face him. " How did you get in! I have the day off.."

Meier still smiles at me. " That's not important. Calm down boy, aren't you glad to see me?" His arms are around my waist and he pulls me closer to kiss me , bruising my lips.

He watches me carefully, noticing the dark circles under my eyes, my skinny waist.

" Follow me to the bedroom.. " Meier states and I obey very slowly. He throws me on the bed , my head hitting the headboard, then turns me on my back . Suddenly his hands are around my throat , squeezing tightly and cutting off my breath. I thrash around but he squeezes more tightly on my neck artery. It takes only a minute for me to pass out.

When I open my eyes again I have a heavy nosebleed. I try to move my right arm, but I can't... I'm only able to lift my left arm a bit. I want to say something but even that seems to be impossible. Meier's watching me with his predatory eyes, clearly enjoying the sight.

" Don't waste your energy, trying to move. Your brain has been cut off all oxygen for a while that's why you can't move. Exactly the way I planned this all. You'll go crazy after the traumatic experiences.. I just had to make sure you will never tell anyone, I'm sorry I didn't have a choice. "

Tears slowly trickle down my face. I can still move my legs, only slowly.

" Oh I almost forgot, I've spoken to your brother in Berlin. He told me he really misses his Bruderlein."

I stare at him angrily.

_knock knock.. knockknocknock _LUDWIG! VE LUDWIG OPEN THE DOOR, IT'S ME FELICIANO!"

Panick rushes over me. He will let him in and hurt him too!

Meier stands up and disappears out of the bedroom. I hear him open the door and Feliciano asking where I am.

" Come in, Ludwig's already waiting for you" A minute later they both enter my bedroom and I watch Feliciano's mouth opening, a scream coming out.

" My God, Ludwig! what happened? What did you do to him, you sick .. eh.. you sick bastard!"

Feliciano must have seen the fear showing in my eyes because he immediately grabs my gun from the night table, something I didn't expect him to do. He must have seen Meier before or he knows what happened to me because he doesn't wait a minute longer and shoots... right there and then, before Meier could say one more thing.. . BANG.

It happened in only a few minutes. Feliciano's actions surprised me very much.

He shot him in the head, his blood splattered on my face.

Feliciano stands there awkwardly and I try to show him with my eyes, that I'm happy he saved me.

" Ludwig, what happened? We.. we should hide, the Nazi's will find out about his death.. "

I just can't answer him, instead I get up.. very very slowly. Feliciano grabs my jacket and pulls it loosely around my shoulders.

" Please Ludwig , talk to me.. I just did something terrible" He almost begs me. When I don't answer him again he continuous talking.

" I know some very bad things happened to you, and I understand why you don't want to talk... but you can't stay here, so I will take you to my house and hide you inside my room because nobody ever comes there. "

**Thanks for reading again, I will update again if you leave a review =D **


	6. Chapter 6

**Feliciano's point of view**

When we enter my house after a long trip, because Ludwig has trouble walking, I lead him to my bedroom and make him sit down on the bed. My father always goes to the market at this time of the day he won't be home until dinner time, and my brother is probably making plans to safe our country with a few other members of the Resistanza.

There's no need to hide him already, so I get a tile of water and a cloth and gently remove the blood from his face. His nosebleed won't stop and I hate to see him like this. He looks so vulnerable.. that in combination with him wearing no uniform,makes it unbelievable that he " used to be" a Nazi.

I sit down next to him and gently touch his shoulder.

" What happened to you.. " I actually say this to myself, thinking about it. That's when I notice the bruises around his neck . That man must have strangled him to cause bruises like that.. .

Ludwig focuses on the door. " What if someone comes in?... " His voice is hoarse, and I'm surprised to hear him speak.

" I will hide you in the closet , don't worry"

" Please.. I'm afraid" He stares up at me, tears are starting to well up in his eyes again.

" I will not let them hurt you" That's when I hear someone open the front door.

" Quickly, hide" I grab his arm and lead him to the closet . There's just enough space for him to pull up his legs, hugging his knees.

" Be quiet , I'll come back as soon as possible" I close the door and run downstairs to meet both my brother and father in the kitchen.

" Hey Feliciano, I didn't know you were home" Romano greets me.

" I fell asleep " I'm nervous, afraid Ludwig will make noise.

Our father hugs us tightly. " In this war" he speaks " I'm so happy to have you two by my side. I love you both" We tell him we love him too.

Half an hour later we're at the dinner table eating pasta. Romano tells me about his day, that he killed two Germans with the other members of the Resistanza.

It makes me sick to hear this but I just smile and listen to him. Of course all I can think about is what I've done today.. and about an injured German hidden in my bedroom.

Father tells about an incident at the market, an old woman beaten and shot by a few nazi's because she didn't show them her identification papers fast enough.

After dinner we listen to the radio secretly for a while, then I tell them I'm going to bed because I'm tired. I succeed to grab a piece of bread in the kitchen without them noticing. When I enter my bedroom I wait a few seconds to see if someone followed me upstairs, then I open the door of the closet and Ludwig stares up at me , a frightened expression on his face.

I whisper " It's only me , love. I have something to eat for you, it's not much but at least it's something. " He takes the piece of bread from me and eats it, chewing slowly. " Danke" He whispers back to me.

"They think I already went to bed, so you can lay down on my bed if you like"

He steps out of the closet very carefully and gets on the bed with me. I gently massage his shoulders and pet his head, to make him feel a bit more comfortable.

" Please tell me what happened, I want to help you" I whisper closely to his ear.

It takes him a few minutes to answer my question.

He whispers " He knew about us.. and he would report us if I didn't do what he asked from me"

My eyes grow wider. " You should have told me. What did he do to you?"

" I don't want to talk about it" He stares at his feet, avoiding my eyes.

" Please!" I shake him.

Having a conversation about things like this is always difficult, but the whispering makes it even harder. We both don't want my family to hear us.

" Fine.. He hit me , he strangled me . .. . and he raped me several times. " He says this quickly, probably feeling ashamed about it.

" Ludwig.. I feel so sorry for you. How could he hurt my sweet boyfriend " I almost raise my voice.

" Please, touch me Feliciano.. I don't want him to be the last one to touch me before I go to sleep"

I pull him closer to me, slowly unbuttoning his shirt. I watch his chest heaving up and down. He really has a very nice body, unfortunately his whole body is covered in scars. I suck the creamy white skin on his lower belly. He moves himself up by his elbows and it arouses me to feel his stomach muscles harden under my touch. Also I'm glad to see that he can move his arms again,even if it's just a little. We don't say a thing nor do we go any further with the touching.

" Sleep well, my German lover" I kiss him on the cheek.

A faint smile appears on his face. " Gutenacht, love"

I let Ludwig sleep in my bed because nobody ever enters my don't wake me in the mornings either, and if they need me they will always knock first, which gives me enough time to hide Ludwig in the closet.

It doesn't take long before Ludwig falls asleep. I watch him, his eyes closed tightly, his right hand tangled in his own hair. His nosebleed finally stopped.

I hear my brother and father go to bed at eleven o' clock, then I close my eyes and drift off to sleep.

It's in the middle of the night when I wake up because Ludwig's talking. His eyes are still closed , he has a nightmare.

" Nein. .. verletzt mich nicht. " (Don't hurt me) . He's shaking, his hair clinging to his sweaty forehead. I'm glad he didn't scream but kept his voice low. I place my hand on his lips to prevent him from saying anything, then I wake him gently whispering

" Ludwig.. wake up. You just had a nightmare" He opens his eyes and I remove my hand from his mouth. He's still shaking .

" It was just a dream, ssshh close your eyes" I stroke his hair until he falls asleep again.

**Please review and make my day!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks for still reading this fic, and for the reviews. It still inspires me to write the next chapter. Straberry Girl , thanks for helping me out.**

**Enjoy!**

**Feliciano's point of view**

I wake up to the sound of rain. Staring outside the window I wish for a more sunny day, it's summer after all . Ludwig's still asleep , curled up next to me.

I hear my father downstairs, probably making breakfast. Lovino already left the house to do whatever he does for the Resistanza, it's a secret after all.

Staring at the sleeping German next to me, I get a sad feeling.

_Will he ever be able to defend himself again? What if he stays like this, then I should protect the both of us, but I'm weak . . I can fire a gun but I don't have Ludwig's military skills .. or his strength. What if my family finds out and doesn't want him to stay here? ... Then I will leave with him and we would be on our own.. It's a sad future. _

The blonde lets out a few soft sounds while still dreaming and he seems to have no worries on his mind. His hair is sticking out in every direction. He looks .. cute.

My gaze falls upon the black leather bag standing in the corner of my bedroom. It's Ludwig's bag, yesterday I tried to collect a few personal belongings for him and put it in the bag.

I get up very slowly, careful not to wake him and decide to take a look in the bag to see if I put some useful things in it. The bag contains some of his clothes , his glasses and cigarettes. Then I find a photo album, I take it out of the bag and open it. I find photos of Ludwig as a baby with his parents, followed by teenage Ludwig with another man, he seems to be an albino. . Is that man his brother?

The last few photos were taken last year.. Ludwig and his brother, both proudly wearing their SS uniform. I put the album into the bag again and turn to my sleeping beauty. I touch his cheek , tracing the bruises down to his neck. Watching him closely I see deep cuts on his chest and stomach, some of them are already infected. His superior hurt him badly .. and I suddenly start to cry, thinking about Ludwig working very hard and always obeying orders.. and that bastard violating him. Ludwig was probably a very useful SS officer, will they go search for him? Do they think Ludwig killed that bastard and runaway? Or do they think he's kidnapped?

" Stop crying.." He keeps his voice low. I woke him up with my cries.

He smiles at me . " Guten Morgen, Liebling.." (Goodmorning my love) His strong arms are around my waist , hugging me tightly. He feels warm.. too warm. " Why are you crying?"

I blush. " It's nothing" I quickly wipe away the tears, because I don't want to remind him.

" How do you feel?" His skin is even paler than usual and he coughs into his pillow to reduce the sound.

" I'm feeling very well, waking up next to you makes me the happiest man alive. " he says smiling.

I smile sadly. " Please be honest with me.. Some of your wounds are infected and you seem to have a fever. If you need a doctor please tell me, I'll think about something.. I don't want you to die because of some stupid illness. My father knows a lot about medical stuff because my grandfather used to be a doctor."

" Your father will never help an ex SS officer .."

I sigh not knowing what to say .

" Why don't you go downstairs and have breakfast with your father, you must be hungry. I'll hide in the closet again"

When I return to my bedroom after having breakfast with my father I quickly open the closet door to find Ludwig curled up.

Sweat's dripping down his face and he's shaking.

" Feli... I I need to . . need to throw up"

I quickly search for a bucket or something, but of course there's no bucket in my bedroom, only a flower pot and I decide that will do.

After he threw up into the pot I turn to him. " We need to tell my father, you're definitely sick. "

"Bitte don't ! just don't.. He will kill me." He kneels for me " Bitte I'm begging you"

That's when the door swings open. We didn't hear someone coming upstairs. My father's standing in the doorway, a confused expression onto his face.

Ludwig quickly stands, he seems to be afraid.

" What's this? Feliciano answer me! "

_NOOO! What can I say? _

" Father wait" I begin to stutter "He's ehm .. a German, but eh a traitor. The Nazi's are his enemies too , he even killed one of them! also he's sick and traumatized after being hurt by them."

" Do you think I would believe this?" My father cocks an eyebrow. " Do you even realise what you're doing! A German in our house!"

" I can't leave him on his own the nazi's will kill him! He can't even fire a gun , not even move his fingers very well. He's harmless! And he wants to help us!"

My father stares at him, looking him up and down.

" Father, he's only twenty-one years old. Please don't kick him out and leave him to die"

Ludwig offers my father his hand. " I'm Ludwig Beilschmidt , nice to meet you Sir"

My father doesn't shake his hand and ignores him.

" How do you think Lovino will react?"

" It's your house so you decide" I'm worried. _Please father please_

" I want to know the whole story and I will discuss this with your brother." I sigh. Lovino will never accept a German in our house, except maybe if he may use him like a slave. Grrr please God help me.

**Keep reviewing and I'll update soon**


	8. Chapter 8

**Thanks for all the reviews!**

Ludwig's staring at me , we've been talking in Italian so he didn't understand a word.

I turn to him . " It's going to be okay, my father wants to know the whole story and he will discuss it with my brother. Don't worry"

" The German stays in your bedroom until I've spoken to Lovino !" My father tells me.

" Yes father. Thank you" We both watch my father go downstairs again.

" This is bad, isn't it? " Ludwig's eyes are wide, he's shaking again.

" Sshh don't worry . I'll try anything to convince them you're a good person"

" Feli, I'm feeling dizzy . . help"

I quickly grab my lover's arm to support him.

He leans on me

" Verdammt! I fucking hate to be like this! I don't want to be vulnerable and dependent"

I'm a little taken aback after his sudden outburst.

" Why can I not move these stupid fingers! Why does my head hurt all the time! Even wearing my contact lenses hurts!"

" Don't do this to yourself. It's completely normal to be vulnerable after what happened."

I search his bag again and hand him his glasses.

" Just remove those contact lenses and wear your glasses, it will make you feel better. "

" B-but how?" I take his hand and lead him to the bathroom. I wash my hands and remove the lenses for him, then I put his glasses on.

" Feel better?" I stroke his hair.

He nods. " But I certainly don't look better"

" Hmm I think it makes you look sexy.. hmm and intelligent" I place a soft kiss on his lips.

" Danke .. You're so good to me"

"You deserve it. Why don't you lay down on my bed and sleep for a while? I'll go downstairs and explain the whole situation to my father."

He nods and and disappears into my bedroom, closing the door behind him.

I take a deep breath and go downstairs. I've never felt so nervous before in my life.

" Father, I want to talk to you about the German"

" Fine, I want to know everything." My father still seems to be confused, he probably never expected this from me.

I tell him that I found him on the streets after he killed his superior.

" What exactly happened to him?"

" His superior abused him.. very badly." I cough, feeling a bit ashamed to talk about this with my father. " He raped him several times and he strangled him.. he probably has brain damage because he can't move his fingers very well. His head hurts all the time and he has a fever right now"

" Feliciano, that's very bad. I didn't know about his injuries... Maybe I can help him"

I'm confused. " Father that would be great! I didn't think you would help him.. with him being a German and all that"

" I've been thinking about this and.. He could have been my son, he's so very young and now you've told me this..I believe you of course and I don't want to be a bad person , like the Nazi's. Throwing him out would be very cruel"

I hug my father very tightly and place a kiss upon his forehead. " Thank you so much father!"

" I'm glad I made you happy Feli. Now let's go upstairs and I'll take a look at his injuries"

**Ludwig's point of view**

I wake up to the feeling of someone touching me.. shaking me a bit.

" Ludwig, wake up. My father's here to help you" I open my eyes to see Feliciano and his father standing beside the bed. I quickly get up.

His father is smiling at me now, unlike earlier today.

" Feliciano told me about what happened to you and I want to take a look at your injuries , maybe I can help you. My father was a doctor and he teached me a lot"

" O-okay " I stammer. I start shaking again when he unbuttons my shirt to reveal the wounds on my stomach and my chest.

" That doesn't look very good. I'll clean the wounds with some alcohol and put some bandages on them "

I just nod. It hurts but I'm glad he wants to help me.

When he's done he asks me to turn on my stomach. I do what he asks and he tugs my pants down because I can't do it myself. Memories are coming back to me and I inhale shakily.

I feel him touching my ass and spreading my butt cheeks apart, and I get a blackout again.

"You will be fine. It's starting to heal nicely. " The loud beeping sound is back again.. I can barely hear Feliciano's father speak.

" T-thank you sir" I say softly, still feeling ashamed and dizzy.

" About your fingers .. I don't know what to do about it, I'm not a real doctor you know, and maybe even a real doctor wouldn't be able to help you. You can't move them at all?"

" Only a l-little.. s-s-sometimes not at all. Same for my arms and legs,, one day I can't move them at - at- at all, the other day just a little. Also s-speaking is very dif-dificult, especially when I get tired, like right now"

" I hate to say this , but you most likely have permanent brain damage. You're very lucky to be alive, and you should prepare yourself because most symptoms appear days, weeks or even years later"

I smile sadly. _So I'll stay like this forever. . . Meier won after all. I'll try very hard to get better even though it may be impossible, and not bother Feliciano so much with it_"

"Thank you so much Sir, you're a very g-g-good person just like your son"

The man ruffles my hair in an attempt to show me he changed his opinion about me.

Feliciano's still standing beside the bed, for the first time since I met him he managed to stay quiet for half an hour.

" I'm going downstairs now, Lovino will be home soon."

**Feliciano's point of view**

When my father left my bedroom I hug Ludwig tightly.

" Feli, what if I won't be able to speak at all in the future? Or what if I go crazy?"

" Ssshh ,That's not going to happen... and I will never leave you." I'm actually worried about Ludwig's condition myself.

**Please review ! The next chapter will be up soon !**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9, finally! I'm so sorry for making you wait this long, but I had to deal with writersblock, a few dates.. and I had to visit the dentist last week, today and next week archhh I'm feeling very bad right now.**

**Feliciano's point of view**

Ludwig has been living with us for a month now, even though he can't get along with Lovino.

My brother's a very difficult person when it comes to Germans..

I still remember the day my father told Lovino about the situation.. I was upstairs but I could hear him shout very clearly. " I don't want to live with that fucking Nazi !" I can't get this out of my head while I'm walking to the market together with my father. Ludwig's at home with Lovino right now and it makes me worried. Lovino treats him badly, he doesn't want to have dinner with him at the same table.. which is why Ludwig has to eat in my bedroom. He has been complaining about the lack of food everyday, saying it's all Ludwig's fault, even though Ludwig only eats four times a week.. Lovino made him clean the house everyday and told him to stay inside my bedroom for the rest of the day. My father didn't say a thing about it because he loves Lovino.

**Ludwig's point of view**

I watch Lovino sipping his glass of water . He seems to be angry about something, holding the glass tightly enough to almost break it.

" Is something wrong? can I help?" I ask him, trying to be polite.

" Yes, by getting out of my way, I can't stand looking at you" He replies angrily.

" I-I'm sorry , I thought.. maybe I could help you with your work for the Resistanza? I know a lot about..." but he cuts me off

"I won't tell you anything about it! I don't trust you. You will help us, then go back to the SS and betray us. I'm not crazy"

" I would never do that.. I respect you and your family a lot"

" Please SHUT UP! I hate you and the way you speak, your fucking accent makes it impossible to understand what you're saying!"

He's very harsh to me, but of course he's right..

Lovino forgets about the glass he's still holding and it slips out of his hands onto the ground.

" Fuck!"

" Let me help you" I try my very best to hide my accent, then immediately drop to my knees and start collecting the pieces of glass. It's still difficult for me to pick up small things and I cut myself several times, but I don't care I need to show him that I'm a good person.

Lovino watches me, clearly enjoying the sight of my bloody hands.

That's when Feliciano and his father enter the house, both holding a basket full of tomatoes.

" What happened?" Feliciano asks worriedly.

" I accidentally broke a glass and the Nazi wanted to help me clean up the mess" He's smiling broadly.

" Lovino how could you let him do that! Look at him! His hands. . "

" The bastard deserves it! "

I get up, wiping my hands on my shirt. " I think I should leave.. I'm nothing but trouble"

" What a wonderful idea!" Lovino sneers.

Both Feliciano and his father want to talk me out of it.

" I already made up my mind, I'll leave"

" Ludwig NO! There's no place to go!" Feliciano tries to hold back his tears.

" I'll think about something, don't worry about me" I don't know where to go but I need to get away and stop bothering this family. I don't want Feliciano to lose his family because of me.

"Feliciano, Lovino and mister Vargas , thanks for taking care of me. I'll never forget your kindness" I turn and go upstairs to collect my few belongings.

Feliciano's coming after me, he almost trips over his own feet to get to me.

" Ve, Ludwig don't go ! It's all my fault, where are you going?"

I'm on my knees , putting my stuff into the bag again.

" I'm going home to get my uniform.. then I go back to the headquarters "

" But Ludwig, that's insane! What if they think you killed Meier! and I-I thought you didn't want to be a SS soldier anymore"

" I have no other choice, I will tell them I got kidnapped by someone"

" But.. but.. but you're still sick! Ludwig please, I love you!" He's crying.

" Feli, come here" I wrap my arms around him and kiss him softly, my lips barely touching his. " Don't cry.. I'll be fine. Just promise me you will be careful little one. "

" When do we see each other again?" He doesn't stop crying.

" Soon. .I promise.. and then we will make love, like our first night together. Ich liebe dich Feliciano" I touch his cheek very gentle and kiss him one more time before I let go of him.

" I hate this.. please don't go! "

"I have to.. or your brother will kill me the next time. He can't get along with me.. and he's right, a German shouldn't live with you in this house.. Bye Feliciano, I'll see you soon"

**Feliciano's point of view**

I hate my brother for this! Why do I have to be this weak? I can't stop crying when he smiles at me, then turns and disappears down the stairs. I hear the front door click.

My beautiful German.. I already miss him, his smile.. his hair.. his eyes.. his body.

**Ludwig's point of view**

Leaving his house is the hardest thing I ever had to do. It feels very strange when I enter my apartment. Meier's body is gone and so are the bloodstains.

I'm feeling somewhat scared to be here all alone, being uncertain about the future. I decide to call mein Bruder...

**There will be more very soon! Alsjeblieft REVIEW! **


	10. Chapter 10

**Ludwig's point of view**

" Gilbert beilschmidt?" My brother's voice sounds sad.

" GiL ! It's me Ludwig!" I'm so glad to hear his voice after a long time.

" Ludwig? I - I thought you were . . dead. The SS has been searching for you everywhere"

" So they found Meier's body ?"

" What do you mean ? Meier told me he was with you when two Italians attacked and kidnapped you. He had a very serious head injury but he's doing well now.

" WHAT? An Italian friend of mine, who let me live in his house for a month, shot him in my own apartment . I thought he was dead! "

" Well he ain't dead. He was very worried about you and wanted to do everything to find you"

" GiL, he hurt me.. he almost strangled me. But I don't want to talk about it on the phone"

" I thought he was a nice guy.. Mein Gott. I'm coming over to you, I'll be there tomorrow evening"

" Danke.. . Bye"

" Bye Bruderlein"

The next day I decide to go back to the headquarters early in the morning to make sure nobody sees me yet.

Today I feel worse than before, I couldn't move my fingers well enough to slick back my hair and speaking seems to get more difficult every day, but I can't pay attention to it because I'm on a mission. I need to find out about Meier and maybe get my hands on some identification papers that could help the Resistanza.

When I enter the building I quickly go to the second floor and enter Meier's office, which is next to my office. Luckily I have the keys because I used to be there everyday to deliver important files.

His office is messy, comparing to mine. I search all his drawers , which takes me a long time. In the third drawer I finally find something useful ; A list with the names of Jews and Italian resistance members the SS is searching for. I should give this to Lovino so he can warn those people and destroy the list.

That's when the door opens and Meier enters his office. I quickly put the list in the pocket of my uniform jacket before he sees me.

"Lieutenant Beilschmidt? I'm so glad to see you! I thought you had ran off with that stupid Italian kid who tried to kill me." He seems to be very calm.

So mein Bruder was right... he's still alive.

How dare he to call Feliciano stupid.

I smile at him, tilting my head a little. " I a-lready killed him, he was j-just for fun. I never expected him to s-s-shoot you.. and after I heard you were still a-a-live I decided to come back here. . Because I missed you . .. you've always been like a, like a f- father to me, you know"

He seems to be in heaven, which is a good thing.. seems like he believes me.

Meier approaches me and places his hand upon my cheek.

"You killed him? Good.. I wanted to do that myself, but I couldn't find him. I'm sorry for what I did to you.. though it's somehow cute to hear you stutter like this"

The bastard!

" I told everyone you were kidnapped, I just knew you would come back to me. I'm not mad at you, it wasn't your fault."

I can't stand to hear him talk like this . He needs to trust me, I have to think about the list.

" I'll tell everyone you're back and there will be a little celebration this week."

" D-dan-ke, you're very kind. " My voice sounds weak.

" I have an appointment at twelve o ' clock in the meeting room and I want you to come with me to make some notes, write down everything that seems to be important, because that's what you do best. Alright?"

" Of course. I'll be there right on time."

"It's so good to have you back. Heil Hitler!"

I salute him. " Heil Hitler" Then turn and leave. The list seems to burn inside my pocket. I need to get this to Lovino before that stupid meeting.

It's raining and when I reach Feliciano's house I'm already soaked, my hair clinging to my forehead even tough my cap covers most of my head.

I knock the door a few times and wait, feeling all nervous.

Feliciano's father opens the door. He seems frightened, me standing there wearing my uniform.

" Mr. Vargas? It's me Ludwig"

" Oh.. I'm sorry I thought.. Do you want to come in?"

" I would like that. Than-thank you" I follow him to the living room.

I hear someone running down the stairs.

" LUDWIG?" It's Feliciano, he hugs me tightly.

" Hello Feli.. I don't have much time,I- I've got some important in-formation for Lovino." I give the list to Mr. Vargas, he takes it from me and reads it carefully.

" How can I thank you? We can safe many people's lives with this list. I'll give it to Lovino when he comes home"

" There's no - no need to thank me. I got this from my s-superior's office.. He ain't d-dead.

Feliciano starts coughing, his eyes grow wide.

" But.. but I shot him!"

" He sur-survived ... But don't worry I told him I already k-killed you. I don't have much time there's a meeting at twelve o' clock and I n-need to be there."

" Ludwig , please come upstairs with me for a few minutes.. I want to talk to you in private"

" Of course"

Mr. Vargas smiles, maybe he knows about our relationship... or maybe not.

I follow Feliciano upstairs and when we enter his bedroom he closes the door and pushes me onto the bed. He hops onto my lap, facing me and starts kissing me passionately.

" Feli, this is not the t-ti-ime. I need to get back to work"

" Ssshh.. I want you inside of me right now! Even if it's just for a while. Please?"

How can I refuse such an offer?

I yank down his pants and my own , then I turn him onto his stomach.

I lick his tight entrance for a while before I gently thrust inside him.

" Gott, t-this feels so good"

" Hmm Ludwig, take me faster. Please"

I start thrusting faster and hit his sweet spot. He squirms and starts pushing back. I feel his muscles spasm around my cock and I'm too excited to last long.

I wrap my hand around his cock while I'm fucking him. He's rock hard.

I lose myself into him and my thrusts become even faster. I fuck him into the bedsheets, his voice muffled by one of his pillows.

I come deep inside of him and we stay like that for a while, before I slip out of him. I watch my cum dripping out of his entrance. Feli came into his bedsheets. He slowly turns to me and kisses me softly.

" Thank you.. You're so good"

My cheeks are flushed. " You t-too"

**Please review! It encourages me to go on.**


	11. Chapter 11

**I was bored and decided to write a quick chapter. Thanks for reading and reviewing. **

**Feliciano's point of view**

It felt so great to have him inside of me and I feel so lucky to be his boyfriend, he's handsome hmm and a very nice person.

I gently push him back onto the bed and straddle his hips while placing a pattern of soft kisses from his collarbone up to his jawline.

" I - I need to go back to work-k" His stuttering becomes worse when he's aroused and he seems to be ashamed.

" Just speak slowly , you're doing great and I'm very proud of you. Just please stay for a bit longer?" He smiles at me shyly and kisses me on the lips. His tongue enters my mouth and he deepens the kiss, pulling me closer.

The door swings open and Lovino appears in the doorway without knocking first. "Feliciano I'm home! .. What the fuck are you doing! "

I'm still on top of Ludwig and I don't know what to say. Ludwig's cold blue eyes widen and he desperately tries to push me of the bed. I get up and just stand there awkwardly.

" Having sex with that Nazi ? Are you out of your fucking mind!" He slaps me hard in the face and I quickly hide behind Ludwig.

"I'm surprised you didn't feel too good for my fratello, you being the perfect Aryan poster boy " My brother's already furious.

"I love y-your brother. Don't you ever hit h-him again"

" Or what? Are you going to stutter me to death?" Lovino laughs.

" Lovi!" I snap at him.

" I wish you will never be able to speak again in the future. Stupid brain damaged arsehole."

I almost start to cry.. how can he say things like that, Ludwig risked his life to get that important list.

"I'm s-sorry for being an arsehole t-to you, I just w-wanted to help you, that's why I stole the list." Ludwig says bitterly.

" I'm going backk to work, take c-care of Feli" Then he just leaves...

I'm still crying, feeling totally ashamed of my brother. Staring outside my window I watch my German lover walking back to the headquarters in the pouring rain. Ludwig must be very unhappy, if someone said that to me I would be crying for a week.

**Ludwig's point of view**

I feel sad about the things Lovino said to me, I would do anything to make him stop hating me so much. He's a good person , I'm sure about that.

When I enter the meeting room I'm half an hour late. Both Meier and the other officer, someone much higher in rank than me and who I haven't met before, seem to be angry.

" I thought you wouldn't show up.. Where have you been? You look awful" Meier asks me.

I'm soaking wet, my hair is dripping and messy and there's mud on my boots.

" I - I was eh. . I needed some fresh air, I'm s-sorry for being l-late."

" Sit down so we can continue the meeting!" The other officer shouts at me without introducing himself.

" Yes sir" I quietly sit down and listen to them talking when I realise I should be writing down everything. I try to take my pen between my fingers but I can't hold it. The pen slips from between my fingers onto the table. I start to panic. I can't fire a gun properly and now I can't even write.. I will be useless for the SS.

I try to concentrate on my fingers but my head starts to hurt and I feel dizzy again.

" Why aren't you writing it down?" Meier asks annoyed.

" I .. eh , I will rem-remember everything and write it d-down later." I lie.

I need to think about something nice to calm down. My thoughts drift of to Feliciano and the wonderful sex we had before. My beautiful little Italian..

" Lieutenant Beilschmidt?" The stern officer asks me.

" Ja sir?"

" I asked your opinion about this" He points at a map, spread on the desk.

I totally don't know what he's talking about and I'm not used to being asked for my opinion. My opinion never matters.

" Eh.. I don't know sir" I stammer.

" Hauptsturmfuhrer Meier, why do you have such a stupid assistant ?"

A blush is spreading over my face.

" He's been through a lot recently.. but I'll talk about this with him. Lieutenant Beilschmidt, why don't you wait outside?"

I quickly get up, almost knocking over the table earning another frown from both officers, and start collecting my stuff.

Meier places his hand upon my shoulder and squeezes gently.

" Are you feeling well, Herr Beilschmidt?"

I want to say I'm not feeling well but I can't say the words, I think about how to pronounce them but there's no sound coming from my lips.

" Nnn" I shake my head. The smile on Meiers face betrays that he loves this, I used to be independent, now I'm vulnerable and he will take advantage of it.

" Just wait outside, I will drive you home ."

I force a smile and leave the room. Outside I light a cigarette and wait for him.

When I enter my apartment I almost trip over someone's boots and clothes.

" Hallo Bruderlein" Mein Bruder is on the couch, drinking beer.

" Gilbert, I didn't ex - expect you to be here t-this early" I'm glad to be able to speak again.

" The awesome me couldn't wait to see you"

I smile at him and make my way over to the couch.

" You're skinny and you look sick"

" M-maybe that's because I am s-sick. You look very g-good, like always" I get another beer in the kitchen for myself.

" I didn't mean to offend you Bruderlein. Get me another beer, bitte" He says without bothering to get up from the couch and walk to the kitchen.

" Ja you did, but don't wor-ry I'm getting used to it" I angrily wipe away a tear. I haven't seen mein Bruder for months and now I'm acting like this.. I should be happy to see him.

**Please review! Ideas are always welcome.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Feliciano's point of view**

Lovino used the list to safe all those people and he will never thank Ludwig for it. He didn't tell my father about us , which is a good thing, and he didn't talk to me either.

It's a nice and sunny day and after getting some tomatoes and pasta at the market I stop across the street in front of the German headquarters, hiding behind a tree. I want to see Ludwig and I'm very lucky because he's washing one of the black cars. I'm almost drooling , The rolled up sleeves from his white , slightly wet shirt reveal his strong arms.

Two other officers are watching him from a close distant, they seem to be talking about him. WAIT, one of them is the bastard I shot down! I feel sick.

He turns to them, a cute little smile on his face. They ask him something and the little smile immediately disappears. That bastard grabs him by the collar of his shirt and slaps him, just once.. in a humiliating way. Ludwig just takes it like a real soldier, he doesn't show his emotions like I would have done. There are no other people outside, only the three of them. It looks like he apologizes for something and follows them inside.

**Ludwig's point of view**

I totally forgot about the report and they were not happy about it. I find mein Bruder in the hallway, talking to other people. Everyone likes mein Bruder, despite he's lazy, and sometimes I feel jealous.

I don't greet him and just go the other way. When I enter my office there's a note on my desk. I read it. " We caught some Resistance members, get some information out of them. They will be executed at Friday and you will lead the firing squad."

Great.. I will go visit them tomorrow it will be more important to get some identification papers or work passes.

I go to Meier's office again, knocking the door first to see if he's there, but luckily he isn't.

There's a safe in the corner of the room and I try to remember the code. After trying four different combinations of numbers I finally remember. I open the safe and immediately find what I'm looking for, identification papers from people who are already executed and some work passes. I put them into the pocket of my uniform jacket again when I hear heavy footsteps, Meier's footsteps .. I recognize them. I close the door of the safe and wait for Meier to come in. He seems to be surprised to find me here again.

" What are you doing in my office again?" He asks suspiciously.

" I wanted to s-see you" I lie and force a beautiful, seductive smile. I pull my jacket off and unbutton my shirt. " Touch m-me, bitte" I would rather run away, but that would be a very stupid thing to do.

A wide smile appears onto his face and he locks the door. " Of course my boy" I close the small distant between us and kiss him slowly. " So eager" He growls and grabs my wrist, pushing me against the wall with force, almost slamming my head into it, causing me to yelp. Why is he always rough?

"Oh I should be more careful with you. " He turns me around so that I'm facing him, my back flat against the wall.

His hand travels up to stroke my face and tears are starting to well up in my eyes.

" What's wrong?"

" N-Nothing I'm just ner - nervous"

" You know I couldn't stand it when you were with that stupid Italian kid. You deserve much better. " He kisses me with force.

"Like.. like you" I feel so bad for saying this despite I don't mean it.

" Very good"

" I - I need to go, mein Bruder's w-waiting for me at my ap-partment"

" We'll continue this another time then"

" Ja, of course" I grab my jacket and leave. On my way home I buy a bouquet of hundred red roses, to make it up to Feliciano despite he doesn't know about what happened.. it will certainly make me feel better.

Feliciano opens the door himself.

" Ludwig! Are those roses for me?"

" Ja they are"

" But they are very expensive. Ludwig you're so very sweet." He almost starts to cry.

"I'm glad y-you like them. Is Lovino home? I've got identification p-papers for h-him"

" No he ain't home yet, we're a bit worried about him, he said he would be home before dinner"

That's when I remember the note on my desk...

**Please review! Ideas are welcome**


	13. Chapter 13

**Wooh another SHORT (Yes very short)chapter. It's easier for me to write shorter chapters at the moment. **

**Thanks everyone for the reviews!**

**I'm sick I need to sleep grrr...**

"I hate to say t-this but I think the SS ar- arrested him. They caught s-some Resistance members" I don't tell him they will be executed at Friday and that I'll lead the firing squad.

"Oh please Ludwig do something about it!"

"There's n-nothing I can do for today, tom-morrow I'll see what I can d-do. I just came t-to deliver this, mein Bruder's waiting and Gott I-I'm tired" I hand him the work passes and identification papers.

He wants to kiss me but I pull away quickly.

"You can't kiss m-me outside, you s-should be more careful"

"I'm sorry.. "

"I'm going h-home. Bye"

...

" So you want to help his brother escape?" Gilbert asks worriedly.

" Well, I-I'm not sure if he's in prison, b-but yes I love Feliciano he will n-never forgive me if I let his b-brother die"

" Ludwig listen to me, you're doing very dangerous things.. if they find out you're stealing lists and identification papers and helping Resistance members escape, they will kill you. And you're sick, you won't be able to defend yourself.. I'm sorry but I think you're just young and naive"

" So you won't h-help me? Why don't y-you go back to Berlin and party everyday wear-ing expensive clothes and eat as much as .. as you can while other people DIE!"

He jumps up from the couch and grabs my shoulders , shaking me.

" We already lost our parents, I don't want to lose my little brother too!"

" That won't happen" I snap at him.

" What happened to you? We both joined the SS because we hated those Jews and wanted to help our country to become a powerful nation! You killed many Jews and you enjoyed doing it! and now you're helping them? I don't understand what happened to mein Bruderlein."

"I'm in love .. and I don't w-want to hear those awful things e-ever again! It was so wrong "

"I'm sure that if your Italian boyfriend found out about those things he never wants to see you again" He laughs.

I don't answer him and go to my bedroom.

...

That night in bed I'm crying, feeling guilty about all the cruel things I've done the last couple of years. If Feliciano ever finds out... He will leave me.. of course he will, he deserves a better boyfriend. I want to make it up to the world but what if I'm too late? God will punish me someday.

...

I walk passed all cells and in the last one I find Lovino, his hands cuffed behind his back.

" Open it up for me , bitte" I order the guard. He unlocks the door for me and locks it again behind me.

" Do you want me to stay here for your safety, Lieutenant?"

" That won't be necessary. Danke" I wait for him to disappear out of sight and step closer to Lovino who's glaring at me angrily.

" You're going to torture me to get some information? Stupid Nazi bastard!"

" Please shut up! I'm here to help you" I found out that if I talk very slowly, I almost don't stutter at all.

"To help me? Why would you do that, you had to leave our house because of me. . and all I do is insulting you"

" Ssht! Keep your voice down. Because I think it would be the right thing to do. Are you hungry? I have some bread for you"

Lovino nods, he still doesn't like me very much but he seems very surprised about me helping him out.

I undo his handcuffs with the small key I got from the guard and hand him the piece of bread.

He doesn't thank me, just takes it from me and eats it fast.

" I keep wondering what is it that my fratello likes so much about you? Is it your blonde hair... Your strong body? You're not handsome after all" I recognize a bit of jealousy in his voice.

" Talk to me, Nazi bastard"

" I don't know.." I smile at him. He glares back at me , his expression changing from hateful to admiring , His eyes linger a bit too long on me.

" I'm going to put your handcuffs on again, I'm coming back tonight or maybe tomorrow. Don't worry I will get you out of this" I kneel beside him to put on his handcuffs . I'm busy with his left hand when his right hand touches my arm. I quickly put those things on and step back.

" Don't be scared , you will survive this"

" Please come back, don't leave me here"

**Please review!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Thanks for reviewing! Enjoy chapter 14**

I don't have any work to do besides getting information out of the prisoners, since I don't care about any information I decide to visit Feliciano to tell him about his brother. I just walk past the main gate when Meier's coming after me.

" Lieutenant Beilschmidt?"

" Ja, Hauptsturmfuhrer Meier. What can I do for you?"

" Are you going home?"

" Eh.. Ja , except if you want me to stay here of course"

" Nein, I'm going home with you" He winks at me. Please no, not today.. I need to play along though.

"Okay" I get into his car. He always drives very fast.

" You don't stutter anymore.."

I hate to talk about my condition with him, it's his fault after all.

" Hm" Is my only reply.

" You've changed a lot after what I did to you. You seem to be unfocused , like you're not feeling well at all."

" I'm lucky to be alive" I'm staring out of the small window, a few tears escape but I wipe them away with my sleeve before he sees it.

" You don't want to talk about this, I'm sorry. "

...

I don't say anything until we get to my apartment. Gilbert's still at work but he sure made a mess. The table is covered in bread crumbs and on his plate there's a half eaten sandwich.

I run to the kitchen to get a dishcloth to clean it all up, Mein Gott I really am a neat freak.

Meier stops me, grabbing my shoulder.

" Just leave the mess.. I want you to polish my boots" He takes a chair but doesn't take his boots off. _Great..._

"Yes sir" I get some polish, a cloth and a brush and get on my knees in front of him.

I start brushing off the dust and dirt from heel to toe, then wrap the cloth around my finger and apply some polish to the boot. I gently rub it in. It's not easy with my shaking hands... my fingers are numb.

He lifts my chin. "So beautiful.. Now take off your clothes"

" But sir.. your other boot?"

" Forget about the boots boy" He leaves me in the living room to undress and makes his way to my bedroom. I undress and follow him. He's touching my stuff again , even searching under my bed. He's just rude. " What's this?" He's holding a small red shirt. " Not really your size is it?" It's Feliciano's shirt, I took it with me when I left his house. I like to hold it and smell it when I can't sleep.

" I forgot to eh ..to throw it away"

" I almost started to think you sleep with it when you're lonely. Hehe " " Don't be shy, come here and suck my cock, I don't have much time"

I obey him and take his cock in my mouth, he immediately starts thrusting and grabs my hair.

" Look at me, I want to see your beautiful eyes" I stare up at him and he fucks my mouth roughly.

I want to pull away when he's close to his climax but he doesn't let go of my hair and pulls me even closer. He groans and I taste his warm cum.

" Swallow it"

I swallow and almost need to throw up, because I feel so guilty... poor Feliciano.

He pulls his pants up. " Good boy" " I have to go, take care of yourself, and eat something. You're getting horribly skinny. "

" Yes sir. I'll see you tomorrow "

As soon as he closes the door I put my clothes back on and head to the prison. There's no time to cry about anything.

...

Lovino's in the corner of the cell. They didn't put his handcuffs on because he's broken already. They have tortured him, his face is all bloody and he's talking to himself.

" Lovino? "

" Blondie came back " He's laughing hysterically.

"I need to get you out of here, can you walk?" I kneel in front of him and touch his shoulder to make him feel a bit more comfortable.

" I want to touch you " He touches my face .

"Come on, try to get up. I stole the key from the cell door. Please be quiet"

I help him to get up and he leans onto me . I take my Luger out of its holster and open the door.

He's holding onto me very tightly , his hands around my neck, and I can barely walk.

We stop before we turn the last corner.

"We need to get passed the guard, please just let go of my neck for a second.. I can't shoot when you're choking me" I whisper.

He grins, being totally not like himself. "I'm sorry.. Are you going to shoot him?" His eyes grow wide.

"I have no other choice, be quiet now , I need to take my time it's not easy for me"

I take a deep breath and aim for his head. He doesn't see me. I wish my hand would stop shaking. I used to do this in a few seconds without even thinking about it.

One - two - three - BANG

I watch the guard drop to the floor.

" Come on Lovino , before they're coming after us" He wraps his arms around my neck again and mein Gott he's heavy. " We need to go faster" We finally made it outside when the alarm goes off .

" Ludwig we won't make it, right?" Lovino seems to give up.

" Sshh of course we will survive this. Let's just hide behind this truck for a while, they will go search inside the building , then we will be free to go" I'm actually very nervous myself.

I make him sit down, leaning against the truck, then get on my knees, looking past the truck to see what's going on. There are still soldiers running everywhere, desperately searching for the escaped prisoner.

" This uniform looks better on you. I like the black pants in combination with the shiny boots and the short black trench coat" I notice that he's staring at my butt.

" It's not a real uniform .. Just a combination of my own clothes and my uniform. I'm not allowed to wear it when I'm working. Why are we talking about fashion while we're in the middle of a deadly situation? It's so not me"

" I don't know... Anyways I would almost change my opinion of you now you're in that kneeling position. "

" Don't change your opinion of me , bitte"

**Please review, I'm stuck with this fic again.. any ideas?**


	15. Chapter 15

**Thanks for reviewing, they really helped me out! =) Yay!**

" It's time to go! Get up!"

" I can't.. Ludwig my legs they hurt so much I can't walk anymore.. getting here was difficult enough" He's crying.

" We have to go right now! Do you want to get us both killed? or stay behind this truck forever?"

" Please.. help" I take a look at his legs. They are covered in bleeding cuts.

" I will have to carry you. Just wrap your arms around my neck again " I bend my knees and he climbs onto my back. I take a few slow steps to get used to the weight, then start walking faster .

I lost a lot of weight, a few months ago I could have run while carrying him on my back..

When we finally get passed the main gate without being seen , I feel physically weak and about to lose consciousness. I put him down when we're at a safe distant from the prison.

" We made it!" His smile quickly disappears when hearing me moan out of pain.

My head's hurting so much.

" Is it your sickness? well it's not really a sickness but.. "

" Ja.. but we need to get you home"

...

When we reach Feliciano's house and knock the door , a crying Feliciano's standing in the doorway.

" You saved him! You saved my Fratello , I thought I would lose him. Ludwig you're my hero!"

**Feliciano's point of view**

" Get him inside, he should rest now" Ludwig orders me. My father comes and helps to get Lovino to his bedroom.

I offer Ludwig something to drink and my father thanks him a hundred times.

" Ludwig, " He speaks " You managed to use your German pride and strength, to do something wonderful, thank you so much"

I watch him blush , he clearly isn't used to compliments.

We decide to go to my bedroom after a while.

"You look very sexy tonight.. " I start kissing his neck. Hmm a new after shave. I feel his Adam's apple bobbing up and down when he swallows nervously.

" Danke. But" I cut him off. " Sssh, tonight you're going to lay down and enjoy my way of thanking you"

He gets onto the bed and I take off his shirt and get some rope out of my drawer. " May I ?" I take his wrists.

" J-Ja, bitte"

"I knew you would like this" I tie his wrists together to the bed and yank his pants down just enough to reveal his cock. His cock is still limp and I'm surprised about it.

I dive between his legs and gently flick my tongue over his thighs. Still nothing's happening.

" Sweetheart, are you nervous? Or are you not feeling well?"

"A little bit of both.." He sighs deeply " I like it when you touch my hair while we kiss"

Perfect, he finally tells me what feels good. He's not much of a talker.

I kiss him roughly and run my hands through the beautiful golden strands. He moans softly.

" Let's do it a bit different today" I offer.

" What do you mean 'different'?" He asks curiously.

" I want to be riding you" He immediately grows hard.

" That sounds very nice. I like to see you in action, little one" How can he speak so serious and calm while talking about this.

" Do you want me to take off your glasses?"

" Can I keep them on so I can look at you?" It's his body, he can do whatever he wants. Why does he always .. ask for permission. It makes me scared.. he would do whatever I told him to do, even if he doesn't like it.. People must have treat him like that for years.. his brother, his parents or superiors maybe?

" Of course. I want to make you feel good, just tell me what you like"

A cute sound escapes his lips when I sit down, his cock sliding deep inside of me.

I move my hips back and forth . "Oh Ludwig you're so big " He just stares at me, his blue eyes locking with my brown ones. His slender wrists tied to the bed... such a very nice sight.

Too bad he lost so much weight, his hipbones and ribs are already showing. He notices me staring at it and tries to distract me by bucking his hips . " Faster, bitte?"

I start riding him faster,. " Sweetheart, thanks for saving my Fratello .. thankkkk y-youu" I come all over his stomach and he reaches his orgasm soon after me.

I free his wrists. The rope cut into the skin, leaving a red mark.

...

**Ludwig's point of view**

Luckily I have the day off, I expect Meier to come visit me though, to tell me about the escaped prisoner.

In the living room I find a note, it's mein Bruder's handwriting.

_"Dear Bruderlein,_

_The awesome me already left, I'm going back to Berlin.. didn't like Italy that much._

_I've only spoken to you once, I guess we're not getting along very well anymore. _

_Anyway, be careful little Bruder._

_Your awesome Bruder, Gilbert" _

I toss it away angrily.

I choose some nice clothes to wear for today , black pants and a dark blue shirt. Putting on some nice clothes and fixing my hair to look good, is the only way to cheer myself up.. It always works.

**KnockKnock**

Bitte don't let it be Meier already...

I open the door.. It's Lovino.

" Lovino? I didn't expect you to come visit me.. How do you feel?"

He smiles at me nervously.

" I feel better , I wanted to thank you for saving me. Can I come in please?"

" Ja, of course" I let him in and close the door. " You don't have to thank me, you know"

"You risked you life for me.. again, and I've been so cruel to you in the past"

"It's ok, I know you're a good person" I get the both of us something to drink. He hops onto the couch next to me and places his hand on mine. " Thank you so much" It feels a bit strange.. He hugs me tightly, his hands stroking my back. When he pulls away I quickly light a cigarette. The air is filled with tension.

**Review please!**


	16. Chapter 16

**I updated this chapter after ****I-Heart-Yami-Yugi 's review.. She was so right! I made a mistake. =( Sorry girls.**

**Everyone , thank you soooo much for all those reviews. You totally helped me out again! yay keep doing that. **

**This time there will be something from Lovino's and Meier's point of view. (probably just this once, I wanted to try it)**

**Short-chapter-is-short**

**Lovino's point of view**

I don't know what to say when the German closes his eyes and bites his lip.

" What's wrong? Are you in pain?" I ask worriedly.

" I-I'm just. . dizzy. It happens all the t-time. "

I move closer to him and lift his chin. " Aww, this will make you feel better" He doesn't push me away when I kiss him and pull his head closer to deepen the kiss. He doesn't move.

"Such a shy SS boy" I say between kisses. He seems to be surprised, I guess because he's used to Feliciano's way of speaking, but my words seem to affect him in a good way. He slowly opens his mouth, allowing my tongue to enter his sweet mouth. He tastes like a mixture of nicotine and a sweet addicting scent close to strawberries..

I rip his shirt off, the buttons flying everywhere. He's staring at me with wide eyes and his mouth hanging open.

" Hihi , don't be scared" I admire his body, tracing my finger over his tight stomach and his hipbones jutting out. " Skinny, but beautiful nonetheless"

He blushes. " Lovino, why are you doing this? I thought you didn't like me?.. You hate my accent and you think I'm unattractive"

" I told you yesterday... I would almost change my opinion about you, and I guess I did."

Unattractive my ass, he's gorgeous hihi. I kiss him again and again until we're both out of breath. When my hand travels down to his belt he stops me, his hand grabbing my wrist.

"Nein... I mean No, stop bitte . .I-I-cch" He seems to have trouble speaking English suddenly.

"What's wrong ? Is it my Fratello ?"

"Ja.. I shouldn't have let this happen.. and my superior may come to visit me"

"Oh.. I thought you wanted this.. "

".. No, I made a mistake.. a terrible mistake"

He's holding his head, almost ripping some blonde strands out.

"Ludwig what's wrong? " I try to prevent him from ripping his own hair out by taking both his wrists. " You want this as much as I do!"

" Keine. .. English.. My h-head hurts too much"

"Don't hurt yourself, You will be fine... first you were stuttering but you managed to conquer that too.. "

That's when I hear a car and I quickly take a look out of the window to see a black car. I get him a clean shirt and put it on for him." Ludwig I have to go, your superior's coming. Please don't hurt yourself" I hate to leave him like this but I don´t want to get caught again so I kiss him one more time and leave through the back door.

**Meier´s point of view**

After knocking the door a few times I use my key to open it. He doesn´t seem to be home and I decide to wait for him and get myself something to drink. The little fuck already left after releasing the prisoner. When I go to the kitchen I turn around and find my boy in the corner of the kitchen curled up and holding a few strands of golden blond hair in his hands.

"Lieutenant Beilshmidt ? What are you doing on the floor?" He looks up at me frightened while digging his nails into the pale skin of his wrist... scratching until he's bleeding.

"Stop that!" I kick him in the side with my boot. "I know what you've done.. You released the prisoner and stole identification papers... but you don't have to hurt yourself, I will help you"

"W-why ?" He asks timidly.

"Because I love your body too much to let you be executed as a traitor, we've been through this before.. you will have sex with me and I will protect you"

He immediately starts taking off his shirt and wipes his nose with his hand, smearing the blood that's still dripping from his wrist all over his face. "Then take me"

I pull him up from the ground and slap him in the face .. probably a little too rough. "Go take a shower first, I won't get hard if I have to look at your sick face"

**Ludwig's point of view**

I can't do this anymore.. it's just too much. What to do with Lovino? and .. Meier.. he found out and he will fuck me senseless atleast three times a day no matter how I feel. The symptoms of my brain damage become worse every day. Mein Bruder left Italy and he hates me. It's all my fault.. I'm just weak. I want to hurt myself.. it helps me release the tension.

After taking a long shower I go to the bedroom where Meier's already waiting for me.

"Come sit on my lap" He orders me and I obey him.

"I know it's not easy for you " He begins to speak "There's your sickness, you lost your parents only two years ago.. Your brother hates you.. actually nobody loves you except for me of course, .. That's why you're doing these bad things.. like stealing identification papers, helping the prisoner escape and hurting yourself, but don't worry I will help you"

"Mein Bruder told you he hates me?"

"Yes .. He also told me about you helping the prisoner escape"

"Nein, that's not true! Mein Bruder would never betray me!"

"It's sad.. but it's true" If mein Bruder really betrayed me then I must deserve it, otherwise he would never do that.. and he was the only one I told about it so Meier's probably telling me the truth.

I smile sadly. "I still love him and I wish him the best in life despite he would rather let me be executed"

**Please review!/Tell me your ideas**


	17. Chapter 17

**To everyone who reviewed the last chapter : Dankjewel! **

**Your reviews keep encouraging me to go on with this fic**

**Meier's point of view**

He seems to be unfocused again. " Are you feeling dizzy? Or just unhappy? You know you can talk to me about anything. I want to be like a father to you"

" Both . . . Herr Meier , if the SS finds out about my condition.. I mean that I can't write and that I'm feeling dizzy every time, will they send me back to Berlin? .. Because I don't want that"

" They will send you back to Berlin, but I won't let that happen. I'll make sure they never find out by giving them these good reports about you being the best assistant I've ever had. Don't worry about it."

A little smile appears onto his handsome face.

" Danke.. "

" Do you want to go out with me tomorrow? I know there's a very good restaurant nearby. Very exclusive, it suits you. After we had dinner I would like to take you to the theatre. It will make you feel better. What do you think about it?"

" Eh. . yes that would be nice"

I wish he would say yes and really want it, but his expression betrays his true feelings. He just can't say no to me.

" Gut, then where's that beautiful smile of yours?" I gently squeeze his cheek.

He clearly forces a little smile.

" Hmm, very beautiful" I want to jump on him right there and then but I decide to give the boy some rest for today.

" I'm going home now, you seem tired. I will pick you up tomorrow at six o'clock, ok?"

The blond seems to be surprised I'm leaving already.

" Jawohl, Hauptsturmfuhrer"

...

**Ludwig's point of view**

I'm on my way to Feli's house carrying a basket full of food for his family and, hoping Lovino won't be home. I don't want to talk to him after what happened. He may be furious at me.. or maybe his feelings for me are already over, I don't know.

_Gilbert betrayed me.. _ I still can't believe it.. and Gott It makes me feel lonely. I should do something good again, maybe it will make me feel useful. Meier knows about the identification papers and me helping Lovino escape so I can't help all those poor people anymore. Maybe I could apply for a job at the bolzano transit camp... I won't be able to let all those prisoners escape, but I could certainly make their lives a little bit better. Meier wouldn't mind, he will get another assistant, besides.. he can still visit me at home. Another good thing about working there is that I don't have to write as much as at my current job. On the other side I don't know if it's a good thing to do.. Those people will be transported to the death camps in the end anyway.. Maybe it's just one of my stupid ideas.

It started raining again and when I almost reach Feli's home there are many people out on the street. A group of ten males, they're staring at me and they don't seem happy.

Maybe they are Resistance members, .. or just angry people. They're coming my way and I decide to go back and take another route to Feli's house. I walk quickly, still hearing them talk. I don't know what they're talking about because I don't speak any Italian.. which is a shame I think because it's a very beautiful language. Rule number one for SS officers ; Don't go out on the streets all by yourself.. well it's not like I can ask someone to come with me to my boyfriend's house can I ? Putting on some spare time clothes would help.. despite my blond hair and blue eyes would betray me immediately. The thought makes me laugh, I would certainly not make a good Italian.

I take a quick look over my shoulder, the group is nowhere to be seen.

...

Feli opens the door. "Ludwig! I was just playing with my dogs in the garden" He's smiling wider than ever. " Come in, Lovi and father are at a Resistance meeting."

_Thank Gott Lovino ain't home_

As soon as he closes the door I drop the basket and wrap my arms around my Italian lover, kissing him forceful.

" Woah Ludwig you're eh.. eager today" I don't let go of him and kiss him again.

" Ich - liebe - dich" I say while placing a pattern of passionate kisses from his mouth to his neck and to his shoulders. " You're everything to me.. Gott I love you so much"

Feli's just standing there, blushing deeply. " I know that Ludwig, I love you too sweetheart. Hihi you're different today, you're usually very quiet. Not that I don't like this of course"

" I'm not tired, which is the first time in months" It's true, I'm suddenly feeling better than ever. I can feel the energy flowing through my body. I guess I finally forgot about mein Bruder and all other problems just for a while, because I can hold my lover in my arms.

**Feliciano's point of view**

It feels good to see him like this, all happy .. like he's healthy again.

" Ludwig, why don't we go to the living room and have a drink? You should take things easy"

He tries to kiss me again but I take his hand and lead him to the couch.

" Sit down. Let's see what you brought with you" I take the basket to see what's in it.

" Aww Ludwig you're so sweet.. so many candy and food.. There's chocolate, jam , milk, bread, eggs, cheese.. Thank you so much"

" You can thank me again just like last time?" His voice is soft and he avoids my eyes, being ashamed by what he's asking.

" Hmm you want me to tie you up again? Your wrists tightly bound .. maybe a blindfold? While I have my way with you?" I really enjoy this game.

He's staring at his feet, surprised by me talking so openly about it, when he answers me. " Ja.. I would love that Feli.. I'm already hard"

I grab his hand. " Come on, let's go upstairs then"

He follows me like a puppy dog. Upstairs he takes his jacket off and offers me his wrists, still avoiding my eyes. It's such a cute sight. I'm glad he finally dares to tell me what he likes, despite he's too shy to look at me.

I tie both his wrists together and use a scarf as a blindfold, then I push him onto the bed.

My German lover moans out of excitement when I unbutton his shirt and yank his pants down to reveal his hard cock. I lick the tip, just once and very quickly . He moans and squirms.

" Oh bitte "

" What is it that you want sweetheart?" I say teasingly. " Do you want me to suck your cock? hmm" I close my mouth around his throbbing member, then pull away again.

" Oh Ja.. please little one! You're so good at this" He bucks his hips when I start sucking him off. " You taste delicious" After sucking him for a few minutes I get off the bed without saying anything.

I watch him from a close distant, enjoying the sight of him not knowing what's going on.

" Little one?.. Where are you?"

I hold my breath and slap him on the cheek, just softly, before I get onto the bed again.

" Feli I want to be inside you, please !"

" Hehe you're such a naughty boy. You like it when I hit you"

" Ja! oh ja, bitte "

I ride him hard and fast , just like last time and I come while screaming his name.

Ludwig's not as loud as me when he comes, just a cute little sound and then a deep sigh. I untie his hands. He takes me in his strong arms and lights a cigarette. I love to watch him smoke, it's somehow sexy.

" It's already late.. your family's still not home"

" They're are always late when there's a meeting, there's nothing to worry about" I stroke his hair.

" I should be going now, I have a lot of work to do tomorrow. I'll see you in two days? Tomorrow evening I have a meeting"

" Sure. Be careful and I'm looking forward to see you again" I kiss him softly onto his lips and watch him leave.

...

It's already dark outside and I'm still feeling all happy .. . The sex we just had was great. It's still raining and I decide to take a shorter way to my house. I have to go to a dark alley and start taking faster steps. Suddenly I see two people coming my way, I recognize them as two people from the group I saw earlier today. Only they're smiling this time.. I don't know if that's a good sign though. I turn around to go back, only to see the rest of the group approaching me from behind.

**Please review? Please Please Please? **


	18. Chapter 18

**Meier's point of view**

It's two am and I can't sleep at all. That's why I find myself staring at my collection of photos I took from Ludwig. I've got hundreds of photos spread out on my bed sheets, frantically searching for my favorite one. When I finally find the one I was looking for, a nice shot of Ludwig in one of the meeting rooms, smiling and chatting with another officer. I throw all other pictures from the bed onto the floor and start masturbating to my favorite one.

After reaching my climax with a loud growl I lean back into the pillows and unfortunately I feel bad for doing this. When did I get this obsessive over Ludwig? I still remember the first time I met the boy. I've known his father for years because we were in the same division in WW1. Many years after the war, his father came to visit me together with his youngest son, Ludwig.

He was only fifteen years old at the time, still a boy. I was interested in him since the first time I met him, of course I didn't fall in love with him that first day... I just thought he was interesting. His family was very poor , but Ludwig still managed to look good in his cheap and worn outfit. He was very shy, not daring to look at me. His father was very protective about his youngest son and told me how he was exactly like his mother , unlike his older brother Gilbert.

I didn't see him for years since that day, but I never forgot about him.

Four years later the boy walked into my office, he would be my new assistant. He looked still the same, only more manly and I grew even more interested. After he had been working for me a couple of weeks , I felt like I needed to touch him.. I wanted him so badly. Of course he didn't return my feelings. I love how he seems to be so strong and stern, but from the inside he's still a little boy, he always gets himself into trouble... and I like it when he asks my help. Every time he put out his cigarette into the ashtray I would wait for him to go home , then smell at it .The same for all documents he ever wrote for me, I would take the less important onces home with me just to study his handwriting.. I just wanted to have something from him. My feelings became worse and I even broke into his house and stole a shirt from him .. one he had worn the other day, it still smelled like him. He's just addicting.

Strangling him is the worst thing I've ever done and I still regret it. I hate to see him feeling sick and weak... but on other days I like the way he's vulnerable and in need of help to do the most simple things in life. I just can't control my feelings whenever I'm around him. Blackmailing him is the only way to be with him.

...

I'm on my way to his apartment, after he didn't show up at my office this morning. I hope he ain't sick , because I've been looking forward to tonight.

After knocking the door a few times, he still doesn't answer it and I feel slightly worried.. thinking about the worst scenarios. _What if he committed suicide? _I don't know why but I've been worried about that after I hurt him. . He feels weak and he's sick all the time.. I don't think he's weak though, he's actually a very strong person. He doesn't show his pain.. and I'm sure he's in a lot of pain by the way he looks.. so awfully thin and hands shaking constantly. I don't regret much things I've done in life , but I certainly regret hurting him like that. It just hurts so much to see him like this.

I use my key to open the door and step inside to find him curled up onto the couch, asleep. Getting closer to him I notice some heavy bruises on his handsome face and blood in his hair. He's clutching a picture of his brother against his chest.

" Ludwig, wake up" I shake him, afraid he won't wake up anymore.

Finally his blue eyes open. " Good morning , Herr Meier" His voice is so weak it hurts to listen to him speaking. He smiles and reaches for something on the table.. his cigarettes. I light one for him and he takes it from me.

" You didn't show up at my office, that's why I'm here. What happened to you?"

" I was out on the streets and ran into a group of citizens .. it was just a misunderstanding, I guess they thought I would shoot them.. and they probably have a family and no money to buy some food"

" That's no excuse to do this to you! Do you remember what they look like?"

" They just hit me a couple of times.. nothing too bad, it's just that they didn't know about my stupid brain damage and hit me on the head with an iron pipe. Now the stupid nosebleed is back again and I almost had to crawl back home because my legs couldn't carry my body anymore. It's not their fault , I'm just pathetic.. and I don't want to live like this"

I take both his hands. " Ludwig, don't say things like that. You're very strong and maybe you will be able to walk normal again tomorrow. The symptoms change , right?"

" I don't think I will.. but you're right I should be strong. I wrote a letter to mein Bruder last night , can you send it to him bitte?"

" Of course. You were thinking about him?" I point at the picture laying forgotten in his lap.

" Ja, I can't hold him.. but I can hold his picture instead. "

" Do you want me to take you to a doctor? I know a very good one"


	19. Chapter 19

**Short chapter is short. I wanted to thank Meluzina who is a real angel for helping me out with this story! and of course all people who read/review this fic. Thank you all so much. **

**Ludwig's point of view**

" Nein.. no doctor please. I want to stay home for today, but a nice warm bath would be nice" I feel ashamed for not being able to walk properly and I don't want any other officers to see me like this.. they would just be laughing at me, acting like the bastards they are.

I try to stand and take a few steps but I don't succeed and fall to the floor. Meier catches me before I hurt myself.

" I will help you" He starts slowly undressing me, his hands lingering on my body just a bit too long, then he lifts me up and carries me to the bathroom. He helps me get into the bathtub and fills it with warm water.

I flinch when he takes my glasses off and puts them away into his pocket.

" Nein, I can't see well enough.. just.. please I feel so bad right now" He can do whatever he wants to me, I'm vulnerable... I can't move , I can't see.. atleast not well enough to protect myself. I want Feliciano to help me.. mein Gott I wish he was here.

" Don't be scared. I won't hurt you, I just wanted to help you washing your hair" He adds some soap to my hair and starts massaging my scalp.

Half an hour later he helped putting on my pyjamas and carried me to the bedroom.

" Just lay down , give your body some rest. I'll make you breakfast" He places a kiss upon my forehead and I feel like I need to throw up. Needing help from Meier to do the most simple things in life is my worst nightmare.

" I'm not hungry"

" Ludwig, you have to eat something" He disappears into the kitchen and returns with a plate full of bread and cheese. " Eat something, even if it's just one piece of bread"

" Nein I don't want to" I almost whisper.

" YOU HAVE TO ! Do I have to force feed it to you! Because I will if I need to"

" Please don't shout at me I-I I'm just feeling s-sick" He's always so short tempered and it scares me.

I watch him grabbing one of the pieces of bread and he holds my head and tries to make me eat it. I start thrashing , tears streaming down my face.

" Nein please STOP IT! " I'm shaking by the time he finally stops.

" Fine, if you don't want my help then I will leave you on your own. Let's see if you can take care of yourself" He's smiling in a very creepy way. I watch him disappear, slamming the door.

Usually I would light a cigarette right now to release some tension, but I'm too tired to make it to the living room.

I need Feliciano. . but he doesn't know what happened to me and he will never come to visit me at my house.. and I will never make it to his house either..

The Vargas family doesn't have a phone,, their neighbors do though, because they are rich, and luckily I know the number. Feliciano told me the number so I can use it in case of emergency.. well this is an emergency right? If only I could make it to the phone. And what if I got him on the phone and I would ask him to come? He would come to my house immediately but what if Meier comes back? I'm sure he will, I just don't know when.

Thinking about this all makes me tired and I can't stop myself from drifting off to sleep.

...

When I wake up again it's already dark outside. I'm thirsty and I desperately want to smoke a cigarette. My stomach's hurting.. I need to go to the toilet but I'm too tired to get there. I start to cry when I can't hold it any longer and just let it go.. wetting myself. I've never felt this humiliated. That's when Meier comes in , he doesn't seem to be angry anymore, wearing a worried expression.

" I'm sorry for leaving you on your own , it's just that I needed to show you how much I care.. you need me" He approaches me and lifts the bed sheets.

" Aww poor boy, you wet yourself"

" I don't want to hear it, I don't want this!"

" Ssshht it's okay, I'll help you change into clean pyjamas. "

**Feliciano's point of view**

My father decided we need to sell the puppy dogs and I want to give one of them to Ludwig as a present. The one that ran away the first time I met him. I'm sure he would be very happy, because he misses his own dog a lot. I will give it to him when he comes to visit me tonight.

That night he still didn't visit me, it's already nine o' clock and I start to feel worried about him.

I don't dare to go to his apartment, because it's just too dangerous. Maybe he's just late, or he had a lot of work to do.

When it's eleven o ' clock I decide I need to do something.. what if something happened to him? That's why I find myself walking to his apartment. I'm staring up at one of the large windows to see candlelight. It means he's at home right?

Meier's black car is parked in front of his house and he must be the reason why Ludwig didn't come to visit me.

I decide to wait until he leaves, but after waiting for more than three hours I start to feel tired. Maybe Meier's staying over at his house for the night? I feel a bit jealous, even though I know Ludwig loves me instead of him, it's just so unfair he's with him right now and I'm not .

Lovino told me about a young Jewish boy who desperately needs a place to hide, and I wanted to talk to Ludwig about it. Maybe he knows a solution.

**Meier's point of view**

After helping Ludwig change into some clean pyjamas I watch him sleep. I touch his legs and he doesn't seem to feel anything. I decide to read the letter Ludwig wrote to his brother, Gilbert.

_Dear Bruder,_

_I'm so sorry for disappointing you and I wanted to tell you how much I miss you. _

_I can't walk anymore and I don't know what to do .. I just really need your help. _

_Please help me.. please_

_Your Bruderlein_

His handwriting is a mess, like it's an eight year old who wrote this letter.

**Please review! I want to know if people still read/like this story!**


	20. Chapter 20

**Thanks for all reviews /favorites/story alerts. I really enjoy writing this and making people happy by updating. short-chapter.**

**Feliciano's point of view**

It's eight am when Meier finally leaves Ludwig's house . I watch him step outside , walking slowly, a creepy smile plastered onto his face. When he gets into his car and disappears out of sight I decide to take the risk and run to Ludwig's front door. Just when I'm about to knock the door I lose all my confidence again. _ This is dangerous.. What if Meier comes back? If Ludwig doesn't come to visit me then there must be a reason right? What if this is a trap and Ludwig's not even at home?_

_Don't be stupid, what if Ludwig's into trouble? You just need to take the risk._

I knock the door a few times and wait for Ludwig to open the door. He doesn't ..

I knock the door again, louder and faster. _ Please open the door.. please be at home._

After waiting for a minute which seems to take like forever I knock again and call his name.

" Ludwig ! ? Open up , it's me"

_No answer. _

Then he must be somewhere else, I turn and I'm about to leave when the door opens. I expect Ludwig to be standing in the doorway smiling beautifully but instead I find him on the floor looking up at me.

" I'm sorry.. it took me a long time to get to the door. Come in quickly before anyone sees you"

His voice is weak.. I guess that's why I didn't hear him answer when I called his name. I quickly get inside and close the door, then I get onto my knees.

" Ludwig, what happened? You didn't come to visit me yesterday and I wanted to see you but Meier was here and I had to come back this morning and then he left and . . .and what happened to you ! "

" Feli shhh relax. Don't forget to breath"

I blush slightly.

" After I left your house two days ago I ran into a group of citizens, I got hit with an iron pipe .. and now I can't walk and Meier stayed with me for two days and it's a nightmare. I need help to do the most simple things .. "

_Nooooo I wanted him to be healthy again and he was doing such a good job , he's so strong.. why did this happen ? He can't go outside on his own, we can't have sex the way we used to.. They might send him back to Berlin because he's useless for the SS. _

He seems to know what I'm thinking about and a few tears escape his sky blue eyes.

" If you want to break up with me then that's okay because you deserve a boyfriend who can protect you.. and who's able to walk on his own. I just want you to be happy "

I've never known such a good person in my life. The way he's staring at me with those beautiful blue eyes, all I see is love. He never cares about himself, as long as others are happy. It's heartbreaking.

" Of course I won't break up with you, I love you no matter what happens" I wrap my arms around his, now slender , frame and kiss him passionately onto his lips.

" Danke. .I mean thank you.. thank you so much for staying with me"

" I couldn't live without you, my handsome German"

A blush is evidently on his cheeks. " Meier went to the headquarters, he will be staying there until six o'clock. "

" Great ! Then we can have breakfast together right? You always have the most tasteful food."

He nods slowly and I know he doesn't want to eat but I'm sure that if I make it fun by doing it my way he will finally eat something

I help him get to the couch. "You lost a lot of weight but you're still heavy to me" We both laugh.

I make breakfast for the two of us and take a piece of bread with some marmalade on it.

" This one's for you. Open your mouth" He smiles at me then opens his mouth and I feed the piece of bread to him. I watch him chewing slowly with closed eyes, then swallow.

"You're very sexy when you're eating" I smile and kiss his cheek.

He blushes. " I'm so glad you're doing this for me, meine Liebe"

" You deserve it.. I love you"

After we had breakfast we cuddle for a while.

He's been quiet for a while and I look at him and notice he becomes even paler than usual. " You're not feeling well?"

" Feli, I don't feel like eating, I'm too tired to fix my hair... I feel like throwing up. Sometimes I'm... I'm just eh.. afraid of dying"

His words scare me. " Ludwig you're not dying, you're just sick please don't say those things"

" Feli I've got a very serious head injury and my condition is not getting any better.. just worse"

" Why don't you visit a doctor sweetheart? I'm sure Meier will take you to one"

" Because I'm sure there's nothing they can do about it.. They will only give me medication, but maybe you're right, maybe I'll feel less pain when I use medication. I'll ask Meier"

" Did he take good care of you the last few days?"

" He's probably doing the best he can.. it's just that he's crazy.. When he's being nice to me, I have to do everything he wants because if I don't he will lose his temper and. .. I don't want to talk about it"

I pull him closer to me and let my hand slip under his shirt. " It's okay"

**It's short because I should be studying for my driving theory test, and my mum would kill me if she knew I'm just writing this right now. **

**PLEASE review!**


	21. Chapter 21

**Hugs for the people who reviewed/read the last chapter. I went to visit the doctor yesterday and the results of my blood test were not good... I don't have enough vitamine B12 in my blood and now I'm getting two injections a week.. for five weeks . Anyway, it makes me feel tired and I barely get out of my bedroom.. ugh. The good thing about this is I have enough time to update this fic! **

**Feliciano's point of view**

" I - I want to make love" His words come out of nowhere and I didn't expect him to be in the mood for this.

" You're not feeling too tired?" I ask him surprised.

" I'm never too tired to be with you .. " He flashes me a seductive smile. " Bitte?"

" I don't know if that's a good idea.. Sweetheart are you sure about this?"

He doesn't stop smiling and moves forward to lick my earlobe. " Ja, bitte?"

How can I say no to this beautiful blonde begging me with his innocent blue eyes, even if it would be better to let him rest.

" Ok, . I'm just worried you'll get exhausted"

" Don't worry about it" He lifts both his arms up and smiles. "Help me get to the bedroom, bitte ? "

"Of course I will" I take both his arms, wrap them around my neck and help him getting up from the couch. I can almost feel him using all of his strength trying to stand and move his legs, and he succeeds. He focuses on walking and smiles when he manages to take two steps, then he loses his concentration because of his happiness and I catch him right on time. It proves how strong he really is and it makes me feel so proud. He's cursing in German and it makes me laugh.

" Ludwig I'm so proud of you, it takes a lot of energy and strength to do that"

" Only two steps.. Verdammt"

"Ludwig, just be proud at yourself for once. You should take things slowly. Now let's go to the bedroom, I will make you feel happy again"

...

When we get to the bed I put a pillow under his lower back to make him feel more comfortable.

I undress him and I'm so shocked to see his body I stumble backwards causing me to fall from the bed onto the hard floor. His arms and stomach are covered in scratches and cuts.

" Feli ? Are you alright? What's wrong?" He asks me worriedly.

I climb onto the bed again. "My God Ludwig, why are you hurting yourself? This is bad this is so bad My God THIS IS BAD"

" Feli please.. I'm ok"

" You're NOT ok! You're hurting yourself and I don't want to lose you" I'm already crying and it makes it even more difficult to talk to him about it. " I thought Meier took care of you, why didn't he do something about it?"

" He doesn't care.. Sometimes I'm just angry with myself"

" Then tell me why! "

" Because I'm a filthy, murderous Nazi officer... but most of all .. My brother.. I miss him so much"

"Ludwig you saved many people's lives, you risked your own life to help my Fratello escape . You're no murderous Nazi"

" Feli I've done things in the past.. terrible things"

" But you know that was wrong and you've changed. You're a good person. And what about your brother?"

" He betrayed me.. He told Meier I helped your brother escape , because we had a fight the day before. He didn't want me to do all those things I've done to help the Resistanza.. and it makes me feel so lonely, I still love him"

" I'm sure that if your brother knew about your condition he would come back and help you" I stroke his hair in an attempt to make him feel better.

" I don't think so.. I wrote him a letter and Meier send it to him for me, but I don't think he'll write me back"

" What if Meier didn't send the letter?" I don't trust him, not at all.

"Maybe.. I don't know what to do" He's crying again and I hate to see him cry. I kiss him in the most passionate way.

" You'll be okay, shhh just enjoy our time together I won't let you down.. not ever" I let my hands travel down to his stomach and gently caress the cream colored skin.

He sighs deeply and I continue touching him.

" Ohh, that's nice. It makes me feel warm inside, keep doing that"

He always likes the most simple things, just gently touching his body is enough to get him aroused, it makes me smile. I keep stroking him and I carefully listen , he's always very quiet but he can't help himself from moaning when I wrap my hand around his cock.

" grnn I want you inside of me , I need you so much" I get on top of him and help him slide deep inside of me.

I shiver when feeling his cold hands on my hips and starts moving me back and forth.

" arhh Feli you're beautiful " He moans and I scream when he brushes my prostate. I start riding him faster but he holds my hips , preventing me from moving.

" Please I want to last a little longer?" He's getting shy again, a deep red blush spreading all over his handsome face.

"Of course" I almost reached my climax a few seconds ago and it's difficult to move slowly again.

" Kuss mich , bitte?"

" Hn? What ?"

" A kiss.. Kiss me, please?" I feel so stupid for not understanding him. " Oh, I'm sorry." I bend forward and slowly kiss him, sucking his lower lip . He opens his mouth and I deepen the kiss. I let my hand travel up to his head and stroke his hair without breaking the kiss. He shivers out of pleasure and I feel him come inside of me , filling me with his hot cum.

**Ludwig's point of view**

It just feels so good when he strokes my hair it makes me cum instantly. Feli's always so gentle, so sweet.. and it makes me feel happy and safe.. and sexy.

" Come here little one, let me finish you" I grab his hips and pull him closer to me till he's sitting on my chest. I take his cock in my mouth and start sucking him off. He moans and comes quickly.

He lays down next to me and I wrap my arms around him. We cuddle and kiss and I want this to last a lifetime. Unfortunately I hear a car outside and my eyes widen.

" Feli get up and look outside, is it Meier's car?"

Feli jumps from the bed and runs to the window, taking a quick look.

" Yes it is! What can I do?" He's getting hysterical.

" Hide, quickly.. ehm , in the room next to this one. I only use that room when my brother comes to visit me and Meier never enters it. QUICKLY!"

" Yes yes, my God Ludwig I'm scared!" I watch him run to the door in the left corner of my bedroom. He closes the door right on time and I hear Meier enter my apartment.

" Ludwig where are you?"

" I'm here.. in my bedroom"

**Feliciano's point of view**

I'm peeking through a small hole in the door. Meier comes in and greets Ludwig by kissing him forcefully. Ludwig tries to pull away but Meier grabs a fistful of his hair and deepens the kiss.

" Aren't you glad to see me? "

" Not if you keep pulling my hair like that" Ludwig snaps. Meier lets go of his hair.

" Hm, you're angry at me? You're cute when you're angry"

" I need to use the bathroom" He probably just says this to make Meier stop kissing him.

" I won't help you get there if you don't let me touch you and give me a kiss first"

**Please review! Reviews make me get better soon ;) !**


	22. Chapter 22

**At first : Thanks everyone for reviewing it made me feel atleast a little bit better .. I'll get the third injection tomorrow and you don't want to know where exactly I'll be getting it in.. ugh... **

**and special thanks to JustAmel and Meluzina , you're both real angels for helping me out. (Yes I will keep saying that)**

" I won't kiss you and I - " He doesn't finish his sentence when hearing many gunshots outside.

" W-what's happening outside?"

" The Americans are coming closer" It breaks my heart to see Meier just keep touching him like there's no problem at all. Ludwig eyes widen upon hearing this.

" They will reach your apartment in a day, that's why I'm going back to Berlin just to be safe" Meier looks at him and smiles , but he can't hide his sadness.

" I've been thinking about taking you with me, but it would take too much time cause you can't walk or take care of yourself .. I'm sorry"

" B-But.. Bitte, what can I do? I can't defend myself"

" That's right there's nothing you can do, You should just give up. Ludwig look at yourself" He takes Ludwig's wrists in his hands " You're nothing like you used to be, you're weak.. you're awfully skinny"

" But I'll become strong again ! When I'm not sick anymore"

" Do you believe that yourself? I've spoken to a very good doctor about your condition and there's nothing they can do to help you.. You will always stay like this"

Tears are running freely down his cheeks.

" I d-don't need a doctor to help me.. I can do it by myself, I need to become better for mein Bruder"

" Ludwig you're too sweet for this cruel world, your brother hates you and he never wants to see you again.. he betrayed you, and you still love him? You like people no matter what they do to you.. Poor boy" "And you miss your mummy and daddy right?"

Ludwig seems to be surprised by this question.

" Yes I do , I miss them a lot. Why ?"

" You will see them again, very soon" Meier takes a knife out of his pocket.

" WHAT? what are you doing?" " If I can't be with you, nobody will be with you.. so ending your pathetic life is the best I can do" Meier takes his wrists and cuts them both before Ludwig finds the strength to hit him.

" Nein ! please I don't want to die !" Blood's gushing out of the wounds and Meier leans in and kisses him one more time. " I love you boy"

I have to do something about it ! My God Ludwig will die if I don't act right now but Meier has a knife. I quickly search the room but I can't find anything useful so I just open the door and run inside.

Meier jumps up, surprised there's someone else in the apartment. I keep running and jump on him , clawing at his hair and face. Meier drops the knife and I try to reach it but he's faster and points it at me.

" You again? I should have known you were not dead.. but you won't be able to safe your boyfriend .. not this time" Meier's awfully calm.

" Feli .. be careful, please just get out of here" Ludwig's voice sounds even weaker than before. The white sheets are already covered in blood.

" Let me help him, please ! " I try to control my tears.

" He can't walk.. you'll be too late kid" Meier grins. I look at Ludwig, who closes his eyes.

" Ludwig stay with me, PLEASE! I'll get you out of here" He opens his eyes, only to close them again.

" He's in shock, and he will faint soon.. he's giving up"

I just don't want to hear this and I jump on him again, surprising him. I push him against the wall and just when he wants to stab me I use my nails and scratch his face.. his eyes. He growls and I manage to grab the knife out of his hands.

" You fucking Italian bastard!"

I don't hesitate and stab him .. once.. twice... three times. Memories are coming back to me from the day I shot him..

He slumps to the ground, coughing up blood. I need to be fast and I run to the bed.

"His keys.. use t-the c-car"

I run back to Meier's body and search his jacket. I find the keys.

" Ludwig ! Ludwig listen to me! I'll safe you" He slowly opens his sky blue eyes again but they close again.

" Sweetheart stay awake, don't close your eyes" I wrap his arms around my neck and carry him. I would never be able to do this because he's too heavy , but I guess it's true people can do extraordinary things in a situation like this.

" T-to tired.. " He rests his head upon my shoulder. " Sshh don't fall asleep, we're almost outside"

He mumbles something in his native tongue, something I don't understand. When I finally get him on the backseat of the car I jump on the front seat and start the car. I've never done this before but I succeed to drive home.

"Sweetheart we're there.. " No response. " Ludwig ? " He fainted.

My grandfather saw the car and comes running to me. " Feliciano, did you steal the car? What happened?"

" Please help me , Ludwig's wrists.. he needs a doctor or he'll die!"

My grandfather's shocked to see him like this. " I'll help you get him inside "

We carry him to the living room and I'm surprised to see we have two visitors. I recognize them to be Resistanza.

My grandfather carries Ludwig to the couch. Lovino screams when he sees him.. he must have really started to like him.

The other people in the room are shocked too, but not because of the poor man's injuries.

" Mr. Vargas.. Why are you helping a German? " One of them asks, glaring at Ludwig.

" He's a very brave person, he saved my son from getting executed and now we need to safe him. Stefano you're a doctor, help him quickly"

The man clearly doesn't want to help a German but he listens to my grandfather and opens the little suitcase he always carries with him.

" He will need stitches" The man states and gets to work immediately.

I can't bare to look at it and hug my fratello instead. Lovi seems to be in shock.

Half an hour later Stefano wipes away the sweat dripping from his forehead. " He lost a lot of blood, but he'll be ok. Maybe he'll have trouble to use his hands the wounds were very deep and some nerves may be damaged"

"That's okay .. his whole body is damaged and he can't move his legs either, so he won't be surprised I guess" I snap angrily while wiping away a tear.

" Feli don't be mad, Stefano just saved his life"

" I know I'm sorry Stefano.. thank you. " I touch Ludwig's face, he's still unconscious. "I will stay with you , even if you can't move at all. You're still the same to me"

Some people in the room couch uneasy.

" We'll get him upstairs to your bedroom Feliciano" My Grandfather offers.

" Ok, I will stay with him till he wakes up"

...

It seems to take like forever until he finally opens his eyes. He moans softly probably out of pain. "Feli ? Am I dead? Is this heaven?"

" No sweetheart you're still alive, I'm here with you. We're in my bedroom" I gently stroke his hair.

"You. . you saved me.. again. I feel so stupid for getting into trouble every time.. making you risk your life to safe me. Mein Gott I'm so weak"

" You're not weak! You didn't know this was going to happen, and I'm sure you'll get better soon.. you're such a strong person"

He blushes slightly. "Yes I'll do everything to get better and safe you next time, ok ?"

I laugh and kiss him on the cheek.

" I'm so tired.. "

" You should go back to sleep, sssh"

**Tell me what you like/don't like anyway , leave a REVIEW (please? *puppydog eyes*)**


	23. Chapter 23

**Just a cute little chapter to make you all happy. Is this fic ever going to end? .. I don't know lol**

**Feliciano's point of view**

I wake up to the feeling of Ludwig's fingers playing with my hair. I open my eyes to see it's still dark outside.

" Ludwig? You can move your fingers?" I roll on my side to look at him.

" Ja, I can move them just fine. Why?" He squeezes my shoulder to prove it.

" Stefano, I mean the person who stopped the bleeding told me your nerves may be damaged"

" They're not, I'm just fine. The bandages look really cool on me, don't you think?" He smiles playfully.

" Yes they do, silly German" I touch his hair, his face. " I thought I would lose you today.. the things he said to you about you just being pathetic and weak.. and that nobody loves you, I want you to know that he was just lying to make you feel bad.. it made me cry to hear him talk to you like that"

He hugs me tightly. " I know that.. I just had this beautiful dream , we were living together in my house in Berlin and we were walking my dog and just enjoying the weather and each other, and I was strong just like I used to be. I want the future to be like that"

" Me too.." It makes me happy to know he wants our future to be like that but it makes me feel sad at the same time, knowing that if the war finally ends there may be consequences for the things he has done in the past.

" Ludwig , there's this Jewish boy who really needs a hiding place and I feel so bad for not knowing what to do"

" Well, you already have to hide me now.. can't he stay here?"

" With you in the same room? " My voice sounds a little too surprised.

" Yes, why not? I won't hurt him if that's what you're afraid of.."

" Oh no that's not what I thought ! It just sounds a bit strange to be hiding both an SS officer and a Jewish boy in the same room.. and my bedroom's small"

"It's big enough to serve as a hiding place, and there will still be enough room for you to sleep. "

" Well, it's a good idea, I'll talk to my grandfather about it" I kiss him on the cheek.

" Oh and there's something I want to give you.. " He takes his wallet out of his jacket he's still wearing. "There's a lot of money in it.. I didn't spend anything for months because I was just too sick, and I want you to use it to buy food for your family and some clothes, because you deserve it and maybe weapons for the Resistanza? "

" Ludwig I can't accept money from you.. you've been working very hard to get it"

" Just take it, bitte. It would make me happy"

" That's so sweet of you, I love you so much" I climb on top of him and start kissing him roughly. My hand slips down to his waist and finally between his legs. He squirms , then jerks his leg.. I quickly undo his pants , gently touch his thigh and he jerks his leg again.

" My leg.. I feel your touch.. I - I can move my leg!"

" Yes it's amazing ! " I move to his other leg, kiss his thigh and tickle him. He slowly moves his leg, bending his knee. Sweat's dripping down his forehead. " I want to try it again " It feels so good to see him smile like this. He bends his knee, again and again, then wriggles his toes. " Ludwig you should rest now or you'll get exhausted"

" I want to do it again.. I want to walk, Feli bitte" He tries to get up but I gently place my hand upon his chest and push him back against the pillow. " You can try that tomorrow, you need some sleep"

"But I'm not tired.. I want to touch you, bitte?" He pouts.

" Ok, you win. Did I ever tell you how much I love your accent? It's very cute and hot.. the way you pronounce words in English.. sometimes forgetting words" My English is definitely better than his and I love to watch him struggle with the words, not being able to express himself which always results in a cute expression on his face.

He bows his head , trying to hide the deep red blush spreading over his face. " I'm sorry, it's very difficult for me"

I make him look up at me, gently lifting his chin. "Hey don't be ashamed, it doesn't matter to me, I just think it's hot"

He kisses me slowly and I watch him close his eyes, deepening the kiss. It feels wonderful but my thoughts drift off to Meier, _what did he do to Ludwig when I wasn't around? _Ludwig's hand comes up to cup my cheek. His hands are cold like always and I lean into his touch.

_I can't believe he did terrible things in the past... with those delicate hands? He smells so nice, he's so handsome and sweet. I just can't believe it._

" What are you thinking about , little one?" He asks me, leaning his head upon my shoulder and kissing my neck.

" I eh.. ..." I don't know what to say. Just say something Feliciano. " It's just that eh.." I can't stop thinking about him murdering innocent people.. maybe even children. _Why are you thinking about this right now? You knew he did those things and you never cared about it!_

His hands slip under my shirt, the bandages around his wrists are all bloody.

" You shouldn't move your hands so much" I point at the bandages and gently push his hands away.

" You're right.. but I wanted to thank you for being brave enough to safe me. You're so small and cute, but still you managed to kill Meier and safe my life. You're a wonderful person Feliciano"

I blush deeply. "Thank you, you deserve it. Now get some sleep you really need it"

" Goodnight little one"

" Goodnight my handsome German"

**Ludwig's point of view**

When I wake up Feli's not sleeping beside me, he must have gone downstairs already. I try to move my legs again, feeling all happy when it works. I need to use the bathroom and try to get there but just standing takes a lot of energy. Thinking about the day Meier left me, finding me after I wet myself, I get a panic attack , not wanting it to ever happen again.

The door opens and Lovino comes in. " Oh sorry I forgot to knock.." He apologizes.

" It's okay"

" You can walk again? Woah that's so great"

" Well.. I can't really walk yet.. it takes a lot of energy, but I'll get better"

"That's a good thing. Can I help you with anything?"

" Can you help me get to the bathroom , bitte?"

" Of course" He helps me get to the bathroom and when we return to Feli's bedroom he gives me a letter.

" I came to give this to you.. just read it, please"

I stare at the letter , then look up to thank him but he already left downstairs.

_Dear Ludwig,_

_I wrote this letter because I felt really sorry for you.. So many bad things happened to you in the past few months and you didn't deserve that. I know you're in love with my brother but I just wanted to let you know that I think you're a beautiful person. You're strong and brave and I know you'll never give up, even now you have to hide in that small bedroom.. hide for your own people and for the Americans. Ludwig, you will survive his war.. Whenever you feel bad, just read this letter again. You're beautiful.._

_Lovino._

_P.S. I'm not good at writing letters_

**Leave a review, please please pleaseee? The person leaving the 150th review, (if we ever get there) will get a GERITA one-shot written by me. **


	24. Chapter 24

**Pancakes for the people leaving a review ! I spend a lot of time on this chapter and for the first time ever, I really like the way it came out. **

**Feliciano's point of view**

I knock the door a few times, holding the child's hand in mine. The little Jewish boy looks up at me, being all scared.

"Ja? Come in "

I open the door and enter my bedroom, the little boy clinging to my leg.

Ludwig's on my bed , stunned to see the boy.

The child holds back a scream, his eyes widen upon seeing Ludwig. He clutches the little stuffed animal against his chest.

" But mr. Feliciano .. he's . .. he's a .. German!"

I hug the boy. " Yes he's a German, but he's a nice German. He won't hurt you"

Ludwig offers him his hand. " Hi little man, I'm Ludwig. What's your name?"

The boy shakes his hand, not daring to look at him. " My name's Schmuell"

" Nice to meet you , Schmuell. You brought a friend?" He points at the stuffed animal.

Schmuell's still staring at the ground. " Yes sir, I always take mister bear with me"

" That's great, looks like it won't be so boring to stay in this room"

I stroke the child's hair. "He's a nice person, you see? There's nothing to be scared of"

" The German's are always nice when you first meet them.. just to earn your trust.. my father warned me about them"

I expect Ludwig to become angry at this but he just smiles at Schmuell and takes his hand again.

" I won't hurt you.. I promise" Schmuell finally looks up at him, he seems to get lost in Ludwig's sky blue eyes.

" You look harmless.."

" I am, don't worry. We'll become friends"

Schmuell smiles a little, the scared look disappearing from his face.

" Schmuell why don't you just play with mister bear for a while? I want to talk to Ludwig" I offer.

The boy nods and goes playing with mister bear on the ground on the other side of the bedroom.

I sit down next to Ludwig and whisper. " You're good with children , you really are"

He looks at me, wearing a horrified expression.

" Ludwig, what's wrong?"

He quickly smiles again. " I was think .. . eh it's nothing."

_What was he just thinking about..? _" Well I think he likes you, that's a good thing. I'm going to buy weapons with Lovino for the Resistanza, it's quite dangerous but don't worry I'll just be waiting inside the car.

" Be careful anyway, I don't want to lose you" He kisses me softly.

" I will " I wink at him. " Bye Schmuell, I'll be back soon, bye Ludwig"

...

Two weeks later...

**Ludwig's point of view**

I've been in the same room with Schmuell for more than two weeks and he finally trusts me. He's a sweet child, who's playing silently with his toy all the time , sometimes he even asks me to play along.

The seven year old boy gets onto the bed, staring at me with his innocent brown eyes.

I smile at him. " Do you have any friends, Schmuell? Or a girlfriend?"

The boy shakes his head. " No my classmates used to bully me all the time because I'm Jewish.. and ugly. That's why I don't have a girlfriend either. I wish I was beautiful, just like you. Then I would have lots of friends and all the girls would love me"

" But you are beautiful"

" No I'm not, I hate my curly dark hair.. " He's still staring at me, almost studying me.

" Man, you are handsome. Your hair is like the sun on a beautiful summer day, your eyes are blue like the sky.. Your cheeks , it's like you're blushing all the time. They're the color of the little flowers my father used to buy for my mother. It's just everything about you.. it makes me jealous"

"Don't be jealous, you should become a writer you know.. the way you describe things, it's wonderful, especially for someone your age"

" Thank you.."

"Where's your family now ?"

"They are transported to a working camp in Poland. Have you ever been to one?"

I immediately regret asking him about his parents, even though I could have expected that answer."Yes I've been to many of them"

"Do they have to work very hard? "

"Yes they do"

"But if they work hard enough they will be free someday right?"

I don't know how to respond to this question.. Should I lie to him? Or should I tell him the truth?

" Yes they will, I'm sure they're doing fine.. they probably made lots of friends, because they are with many other Jewish people"

Many gunshots can be heard outside again and Schmuell quickly shifts closer to me, burrying his head in my shirt.

" The Americans are coming closer, you shouldn't be afraid for those gunshots.. I'm the one who should be afraid. "

" What will they do to you, if they find you?"

" They will capture me.. and when they find out I'm not just a soldier but an important SS officer, they will hurt me.. maybe kill me. I'm not sure"

The boy looks terrified. "How could they hurt you ? You're barely an adult.. and they are supposed to be the good guys"

"I'm 21 years old. .. and It's difficult to explain, it's just that weird things happen in a war"

The sound of the gunshots is coming closer to the house and I feel slightly scared.

" You look like you really need a hug"

I look at him, surprised. He wraps his tiny arms around me and hugs me tightly.

" Danke" I swallow nervously from both the gunshots and the child's touch. Even if he's just a little boy I don't know how to handle a kind gesture like a hug, I'm just not used to it and it always makes me feel nervous, except when Feliciano's the one touching me.

"It's funny how everytime I'm close to you, your adams apple starts bobbing up and down"

I ignore him and light a cigarette.

" You really smoke a lot" The child smiles at me.

"You really talk a lot" I stick out my tongue.

" Feliciano's right.. you are funny"

I jump up. " Did Feliciano speak to you about me?"

The child laughs again. " You're interested now eh? Yes, yesterday when I was allowed to go downstairs for a while because it was very quiet on the streets, he told me he thinks you're funny and handsome and that everytime you touch him, he gets this funny feeling."

I blush deeply. " Did he say anything else?"

"He told me how you got those scars on your wrists.. because I was curious why you always pull away when I try to look at them" Schmuell takes both of my wrists and traces the thick scars with his little fingers, then places a small childish kiss on each wrist. "Feliciano told me that when I place a kiss upon them, you would feel better.. Well do you?"

" Oh eh.. yes I already feel better. Danke" I ruffle his hair, smiling at the thought of Feliciano tellling him this.

"What exactly did he tell you?"

" He told me about a very evil guy who hold you captive in your own house and tried to kill you twice, and how you were like a damsel in distress and Feliciano himself was like a true knight and he saved you from that evil guy."

"That's just great... and you believe that?" I can't help but smile at Feliciano's little fairytale he made up for the child even though part of it is true.

" Yes of course" The child nods.

Feliciano comes in smiling at the way the child's clinging to me.

"Hi sweetheart. You two became good friends I see"

"That's right" I get up from the bed and hesistantly take a few steps to close the distance between us. "Hmm meine Liebe, kiss me"

He kisses me passionately. "Ludwig I'm so proud of you, you're getting better at walking everyday"

"Ja, maybe next week.." My hand travels down "I can carry you and.." That's when I remember Schmuell's still in the room. "and eh .. you know "

" Yes I know, that sounds quite exciting" He blushes.

A loud bang on the front door makes us all jump up.

" OPEN THE DOOR, WE NEED TO SEARCH THE HOUSE"

**Please leave a review? =)**


	25. Chapter 25

**Hugs and kisses for all people who reviewed and favourited/story alerted this !**

**Warning : Time skip in this chapter.**

"What can we do!" Feliciano starts jumping up and down out of panic.

"There's nothing we can do, they will search the whole house" I feel Schmuell wrapping his arms around my leg. "I won't let them hurt you" He whispers.

"Maybe you should hide in the closet? If they see me , a Jewish child, they won't suspect you're also hiding an SS officer. Ludwig, please hide" The boy starts pushing me into the direction of the closet.

" That's a great idea, you're very smart" I smile at him, then quickly get into the closet.

Feli runs downstairs to let the soldiers, who are still banging the door, in.

It takes a while before I hear them entering the bedroom. The footsteps are coming closer.. I hold my breath, my heartbeat fastens.

"A Jewish boy.. " One of the soldiers states.

"Hello mister soldier, do you have anything to eat.. I'm so hungry" Schmuell's voice. The kid's smarter than I thought.

"Of course, here's some chocolate, boy"

"Thank you, sir"

" We're done searching here"

When I hear them going downstairs again I let out a shaky breath. Schmuell just saved my life.

A few minutes later Schmuell opens the door, Feli's standing beside him.

" Ludwig! They believed us. They wanted me to stay downstairs and I was so worried" Feli hugs me tightly.

" All because of Schmuell, you were great.. danke for saving my life" I ruffle the child's hair.

...

**Two months later**

**Feliciano's point of view**

The allies are fighting the Germans all day and it looks like they're going to win. Most of the Nazi's already went back to Germany and it's very dangerous for Ludwig to stay in Italy. Even though I don't want him to go, it would be better for him to also go back to Germany.

"Ludwig, it's dangerous.. you should go back to Germany before they find you here."

"And do what exactly? I'm a deserter! I didn't fight with them.. I was hiding when my country needed me the most. They will shoot me !" Ludwig's almost screaming and it makes me cover my ears with my hands.

" But you were sick those days, and they will believe you.. you may be able to walk now but you still look sick"

"If I tell them I was sick, they'll tell me I had to go to the headquarters right away.. and I know that"

Schmuell's playing in the corner of the bedroom with his toys, but he's clearly listening to us arguing.

"But Ludwig I don't want to lose you ! " I shout

"You will lose me anyway.. The SS will kill me.. or the allies.. or I will get sentenced to death when the war's over. I'm sorry but there's nothing I can do.. except for hiding for the rest of my life"

"But.. why?" Tears are streaming down my face already.

"Did you really think there wouldn't be any consequences for the things I've done?"

".. I didn't want to think about it.. Besides, what is it that you've done? You were serving your country just like all other German soldiers, right?"

"I did more than that.. I can't talk about it" He's trying to hold back his tears.

"Why not? I want to know it. Did you shoot children just for fun, on your day off? When your superiors didn't command you to shoot them? Or what is it?"

He closes his eyes, a hurt expression on his face. "I can't answer to that question.. "

"But you're my boyfriend, I have the right to know what you've done !"

"Not when Schmuell's in the room. He's just a kid.. Are you out of your mind?" He grabs my arms and shoves me away causing me to slam against the wall. I know he didn't mean to hurt me, he's just really strong.. but it makes me cry anyway.

Schmuell leaves his toys and runs to Ludwig, who dropped to his knees. The little boy's crying too.

"You hurt him!"

Ludwig's pulling his own hair out, and scratching his arms again. "I know , I'm such a bad person"

Ludwig's actions make the boy even more scared and I know I need to stop this right now. I get up, feeling all dizzy and make my way to Ludwig who doesn't stop hurting himself.

"Ludwig STOP IT! Hurting yourself is not a way to deal with problems"

He just keeps repeating "Mein Gott I haven't changed at all, I'm a monster.. I'm a monster"

" You're NOT a monster, you didn't mean to hurt me you were just angry and wanted to shove me away but I accidentally hit the wall. " I take both his hands to make him stop hurting himself. "Stop doing that, please? I'm so happy you're not sick anymore.. except for a heavy nosebleed or a headache every once in a while, and I know that you may get sick again, but I want you to feel good, even if it's just for a couple of days.. Whatever you've done in the past, you've been punished for it already. You have to live with the memories.. and a brain damage for the rest of your life. That's enough of a punishment, and I'll go crazy if something happens to you"

He finally focuses on me. " I'm so sorry Feliciano"

"It's okay sweetheart, now look what you've done to yourself" I point at the scratches on his arms and it automatically makes me stare at the thick scars on his wrists.

He follows my gaze, getting insecure immediately. "I know, I look like shit"

"Hey, I didn't mean that.. Schmuell why don't you go play in Lovino's room for a while?"

The child nods, grabs some of his toys and goes to Ludwig first. His tiny hands reach up and take Ludwig's hands. "Please Ludwig don't hurt yourself, you should love yourself.. because you're smart and beautiful" Without waiting for Ludwig's reply, Schmuell runs out of the room to my brother's bedroom.

"Schmuell loves you so much , he adores everything about you. Isn't it sweet?"

"Ja, it is. I just don't know how to handle so much love"

I sit down upon his lap, facing him. "But your parents, they loved you right? or your older brother?"

"Ja.. they loved me.. and you love me of course"

Someone's banging the door.. again.

**Mr. Vargas' point of view**

I hesitantly open the door, surprised to see a young, platina blonde man. He's definitely not an Italian... so he must be a German, but why isn't he wearing his uniform?

" You must be Mr. Vargas, Lovino's father?" The blonde asks, speaking English with a heavy German accent just like Ludwig.

" Yes I am.. Who are you?" Who's this guy? How does he know my name? and Lovino's ?

" My name's Gilbert Beilschmidt, I came to see my little brother .. Ludwig. Can I please come in?"

I don't really want him to come in because it's already dangerous enough to be hiding one German in the house, but the young man's staring at me , begging me with his eyes to let him in. Also he's Ludwig's brother...

" Come in, your brother's upstairs"

" Thank you so much, sir"

I watch him go upstairs, wearing a worried expression.

**Gilbert's point of view**

I knock the door a few times and wait impatiently. I'm excited to see mein Bruderlein, but I'm also worried about his condition.

" Come in please?"

I sigh nervously and open the door. Mein Bruderlein's on the bed, holding a slender Italian guy's hand.

" Gilbert? What are you doing here!"

Ludwig looks better than the last time I saw him, he's still unbelievably skinny and his arms are covered in scratches, but at least he looks happy this time.

"How did you find out where I am?"

" I got a letter from someone who has been very worried about you.. Someone who's very bad at writing letters.. His name's Lovino. I suppose that's you?" I point at the slender Italian guy who's still holding Ludwig's hand.

" No Lovino's my fratello" The guy states proudly.

" Ah I see.. Anyway, aren't you happy to see the awesome me, Luddy ?"

" Of course I am.. Stop calling me Luddy! Feliciano this is Gilbert, my older brother. Gilbert this is Feliciano , my boyfriend"

Boyfriend? Boyfriend! I feel a pang of jealousy.

" Nice to meet you" I say almost whispering and not really meaning it. Feliciano shakes my hand.

" Ve, nice to meet you too. I've heard a lot about you. But I'll leave the two of you alone for a while"

" Danke" Ludwig and I reply at the same time.

We both watch him going downstairs and I quickly close the small distant between me and mein Bruder and want to wrap my arms around him, but he pushes me away, frowning.

" Why did you betray me?"

" Betray you? I've never betrayed you and I never will. What are you talking about?"

Did he go crazy?

" You told Meier I stole those identification papers and that I rescued the Resistanza member"

" I've never told Meier anything, Ludwig I swear. I didn't like that guy at all and I would never betray you and you know that. You're mein Bruderlein!"

" But you're the only one I told about it.. " Ludwig doesn't seem convinced.

"Then he must have been spying on us.. It makes me very unhappy you think I would betray you.. I go crazy if something happens to you.. Please Ludwig I swear I didn't tell anyone"

" Ok.. I believe you Gilbert"

" Then let me hug you, bitte?"

Ludwig nods and I step closer to him and wrap my arms around him and squeeze tightly, making it almost impossible for him to breath. I inhale the smell of his hair... so sweet, like always.

" Are you coming with me, Bruderlein?"

" Going where?"

" I'm taking you home with me, before it's too late. It's getting more and more dangerous in Italy everyday"

" No way, I won't leave Feliciano on his own !"

**Sorry for the abrupt ending, and probably many mistakes.. if there are I will change them later ! I'm in a crisis, lol .. My bf arranged a trip for me and my brother to Berlin and I'm busy packing and I didn't want to let you all wait for this chapter any longer and My God I go crazy! Forgive me for any mistakes , please. and don't forget to review? the 150th reviewer will get a one-shot, don't forget !**


	26. Not a new chapter

I'm sorry but this is not a new chapter..

I feel terribly sorry for letting you wait for the next chapter , but my personal life is a mess right now. My father is very ill.. he has only a year left to live and I can't put my mind to writing fanfiction right now. I'm so sorry because I know how much it sucks to wait such a long time.

I'm sorry GerIta1229 because I haven't finished your one-shot yet, but I promise I will get it done, it will just take a while (maybe even a month, or more.. I don't know)

(Excuse me for any grammar mistakes because I'm very tired right now)

Hugs & Kisses,

Jessica


	27. Chapter 27

**I'm back after months.. you probably didn't think I would come back ever again. I've been spending a lot of time with my family and I couldn't put my mind to fanfiction because of my father's sickness. But a few days ago I suddenly realised that life goes on, and that I should do some fun things too.. and I thought about the readers waiting for the next chapter and it was enough to start writing again. This is a very short chapter but it felt so weird to be writing again that I was just glad I came up with this.**

**And yes I'm already writing that one-shot.**

**Enjoy ! and please R&R!**

**Warnings: drama & sex & grammar mistakes (Nothing new) **

_**Ludwig's point of view**_

_It feels a little strange to be wearing my uniform again, after months. I really don't want to leave, how can I live without Feliciano? and saying goodbye to Schmuell will be awful too._

_When I enter the bedroom I feel very insecure. Is leaving the right thing to do? I don't want to be send to the Eastern Front, where every thirty seconds a German soldier dies, but it will definitely happen.I feel better than before, but I'm not ready to fight, walking is getting difficult again. What if I die? I can't leave Feliciano .. I can't leave Schmuell, atleast not forever. _

_I wish I could do something for Schmuell, I wish I could find his parents in poland and release them, bring their family back together. The little boy truly deserves it. But that's just not possible... Maybe his parents are already dead. _

_You think you know the feeling of being powerless, atleast I thought I did, but right now is the first time I really feel that way. I've been a monster, and maybe I still am, but I really want to make the world a better place, not for myself because I don't deserve it; but for my friends, and there's just nothing I can do. Life is very cruel. _

_I wish I never fought for my country, I even wish I wasn't a German. The faces of hundreds of children, women and man hunting me in my dreams.. I ruined my own life, and I'm slowly going crazy. I truly hate myself, and I hate it even more to see other people love me, adore me, because they don't really know me. _

_Yes, leaving them is the right thing to do. Leaving them forever. Gilbert, Schmuell and Feliciano will eventually forget about me. Schmuell will stay with Feliciano. Gilbert will just go on without me and get drunk.. and Feliciano, he'll fall in love with someone else, a healthy person who can walk, run and make love to him like there's no tomorrow, do the things I'll never be able to do anymore. _

_Meier was right, I'm just bothering everyone with my problems and my sickness and I should have died that day. _

"Ludwig?" Feliciano's standing in the doorway. "Are you okay?"

I turn to face him, trying to fake a smile. "Ja I'm okay." I close the small distance between us and hug him tightly. "I love you so much, Feli. You're beautiful and sweet and ... and you're just everything to me. Don't ever forget about that"

"I know that, thank you and you know that I think the same way about you, but I'm worried about you" he strokes my hair and it's so difficult not to cry.

"Don't be. I'll be okay. " I lean into his touch and inhale his smell.

"I know you're very strong and smart, but what if you get into trouble again?"

"Don't worry , I'll never get into trouble anymore, I'm very sure about that"

"What do you mean? Ludwig you're scaring me"

"Just bitte, break up with me. I'm begging you to break up with me"

"What? NO! I will NEVER break up with you. I love you!"

"Feliciano you don't understand! I'm very sick and - and crazy and I'll always be that way and you deserve a boyfriend who's healthy and happy .. I've told you this before, please listen to me and break up with me. Do you want to push me around in a wheelchair? or do all the fun things on your own because your boyfriend's too sick to get out of bed? Or do you want to clean up after I've been banging my head against the wall out of craziness until I'm bleeding? Is that the future you want?"

"YES, I don't care what the future will be like as long as I'm with you! Just like I told you before. I will care for you, just like you always care for me, and I'm not leaving you because some useless bastard raped you and wanted to kill you, just because he couldn't be with you! I could have never dreamt to have such a sweet and attractive boyfriend like you! and I want to make love to you right now!"

"Was?.. I - I eh" He pushes me down onto the bed and starts undressing me immediately. "Schmuell's downstairs, so don't worry about that"

"Felicano, what are you doing?"

"Proving to you that you're perfect instead of useless" His tongue is everywhere on my body, his hands are tangled into my hair.. and it feels wonderful.

"Where should I start? nrh, your pretty blonde hair?" He tightens his grip on the blonde strands and kisses me forcefully.

"Feli, my brother's already waiting for me downstairs! We have to say goodbye now."

"I am saying goodbye, just in a special way"

I finally manage to relax under his touch. The slender Italian starts pulling down my pants and underwear, but just enough to reveal my erection. "I hate this war but I must admit you look so sexy in that uniform Ludwig" I don't know what to say to this.

He starts sucking me off and I buck my hips and wrap my arms around his neck.

"You like it?"

"hrn ja, sehr gut. I want to be inside of you Feliciano" I gently flip him onto his back and spread his legs. I pause to admire his beautiful body. "Hrmm so beautiful, I can't stop touching you"

**Felicano's point of view**

He's stroking my stomach, his left hand travels down to my thighs and he starts rubbing circles with his thumb, very slowly. His hands are cold,like they always are. His touch is still very unsteady, shaking and it tickles but I try not to laugh because I don't want to ruin the mood. I watch his face, he's staring at my body not noticing me watching him, his hands still busy trying to please me. The look on his face is dead serious and it's really cute.  
>Finally he looks up at me and gosh I'm so hard. It's not really his touches, but more his looks that make me feel hot. "You're so good at this Ludwig, you make me feel so hot"<p>

He can't handle compliments nor dirty talk very well and ends up blushing furiously.

"Please take me, I need it" I get on my hands and knees and it doesn't take long before I feel one of his cold fingers entering me. "Does it feel good?"

"Oh yess, more please" I moan softly. Another cold finger enters me and he starts scissoring them inside of me.

"Please more, I want you"

He pulls his fingers out of me, then I feel the tip of his cock against my entrance.

"Are you ready Liebling?"

" Si ! " He slowly enters me, very slowly. "Are you feeling well?"

"Yes I'm okay, nngrn it feels good" He pushes deeper inside of me. He's so big it hurts, but it hurts in a good way. I moan and grab the bed sheets.

"Am I hurting you?" His voice sounds slightly panicked.

"Oh no, not at all this feels wonderful"

After what Meier did to him he's always extremely careful with me while we're having sex. I can't imagine how it must have felt for him when Meier fucked him senseless without being careful at all.

**I hope you all liked this chapter!**

**Thanks for reading and please make me happy and leave a review? The more reviews, the sooner I'll update ;-) **

**BTW, Someone wants to RP with me by e-mail? (Yes I'm lonely...) If you do, just leave me a message.**

**Hugs & Kisses**

**P.S. I think there will be one, maybe two chapters left for this story, then it's finished. But I promise I'll start writing a new ww2 GerIta fic when this is finished. **


	28. Chapter 28

**I'm sorry for taking so long but I just didn't know how to end such an awesome fic! (Not to mention that my personal life is still a mess like always..) I know this is short, but what can I say? I just hate to write the last chapter of a fic, it makes me feel sad.**

**Please read & review!**

The pain...

The pain in my heart is unbearable as I watch my boyfriend leave.

All those times we were together, all those feelings we shared ; they seem so far away right now.

I know we will be together again someday but it seems so unrealistic.

Schmuell's standing on his tip toes to stare out of the window with me, we both cry as we watch Ludwig disappear around the corner of the street.

Ludwig, my dear Ludwig please return to me soon.

We said goodbye in my bedroom and I didn't go downstairs with him, because to watch him close the front door with a sad look upon his face, would be too much for me. Now I can still pretend he left to go to the market. It sounds stupid and nobody will understand my feelings.

I'm so glad Schmuell's still with me, because I know the little boy needs me to take care of him and that's what encourages me to go on with a smile upon my face.

"Feliciano? Look what Ludwig gave to me before he left." The boy's holding a little book.

"What's that Schmuell?" Schmuell hands it to me.

"He told me it's his journal and that I had to give it to you and you should only read one page a day, because he promised that when you reached the last chapter, he will return to us"

I smile at Schmuell, hoping Ludwig will be right about that.

I open the book and on the first page it reads :

_Dear Feliciano,_

_When you read this I already left and I know you feel bad about that so I decided to give you my journal. Not just because I want you to have something to remember me, but also because it will explain everything to you. Some of the things that happened in my past are too painful to talk about, but I wrote them all down and I want you to know about it. I want you to know everything about me Feliciano, because I trust you and because I love you. I hope you won't think bad about me after reading it all. But if you do, then I must deserve it.  
>Promise me to read one page a day, then I promise I'll be back when you've read the last page.<em>

_I love you,_

_Ludwig_

...

_Ten months later,_

The war is over, the Allies won but Feliciano didn't celebrate this fact at all, not like all other people did. Yes he will celebrate that the war is over, but not without Ludwig.

The Italian is in their small garden playing with their dogs when his brother calls him.

"Feli? There's a letter for you!" Lovino calls

Feliciano runs inside the house, almost tripping over his own feet.

Please let it be a letter from Ludwig, please please please is all he thinks when he quickly opens the envelope.

_Feliciano, _

_Did you miss me? I know I missed you a lot. I survived this war and I want to see you._

_Since I'm not fit enough to travel, I hope you will come visit me in Germany. Of course not right now, you should help your grandfather and your brother around the house and celebrate your freedom with them. In a few months we will be able to touch each other again so be patient. Atleast you know I'm doing fine and I'm looking forward to your letter._

_Much love,_

_Ludwig Beilschmidt_

He doesn't want to wait, he wants to see him right now but he waited ten months so he can wait a few months longer. Like Ludwig said, atleast he knows Ludwig's ok so he doesn't have to worry about him anymore. In a few months he will go to Germany and he will see Ludwig again...

_~fin_

**Woh I've been crying while writing this last chapter. I always feel a bit sad when ending such a long multichaptered fic and there's thunder and lightning to fit my mood ; stupid Dutch weather. Jeesh I have to close my window and it looks like my whole town is going to drown. (Just forget about my rambling)**

**I've had so much fun writing this and reading all of your reviews. You guys are really awesome! Please don't leave me just yet, because I'm going to write a new WW2 fic and you don't want to miss it, I promise! It will be a GerIta one, but there's just one more thing I have to figure out.. should it be just Italy or fem!italy? Please tell me what you think, I'm not going to tell you anything more about it, just read it in a few days hehe. Oh and please REVIEW!**


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